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Bitch and Moan

****************The Obligatory Disclaimer***************

These are MY thoughts and feelings. They (usually) aren't up here to offend (unless I'm particulary annoyed with you), insult, or belittle anyone. Please don't harass me because of my opinions because chances are that if you are a fool and e-mail me something STUPID you could very possibly be the topic for the next day's journal. Feel free to e-mail me if you have something particulary witty to say... if you don't have anything witty to say e-mail me anyways becuase i love that little envelope that pops up on my screen when i have mail. Thank you and enjoy :)If you want to read journals from Novembe till February click here

and for march thru may click here


Sunday, August 5, 1999

well i'm back (thank god). so now i'm here listening to some Missy Elliot and typing this entry. oh where to start oh where to start?

so last sunday morning in a fury of confusion it was off to Jamaica i was because my mom's sister is dying. so we got on our lovely air canada flight and flew for about 4 hours until we got there. now neither my mom nor i had ANY clue that jamaica is an hour behind us. so i'm on the plane and we were supposed to land at like 1:50pm so i look at my watch and its like 2:30pm and i'm trying to figure out why they haven't announced that we are late. but it turns out there was a time difference. i don't really know how to recount this trip cause its not like my boston trip or new york or something where i had anything remotely interesting happen...i think i will just *talk*.

so met about a million cousins. wasn't too excited over them. they all have an accent so i never know what they are saying. one girl 7 boys. how fucked is that. the girl is around 19ish. she annoyed me...she became obsessed with my cd collection AND she is such a drama queen. we stayed at my uncle's fiancee's house (now did anyone mention to me that he was getting married???). now i didn't know that in jamaica no one bothers having hot water in their houses. do you know how irritating it is to ONLY have cold water. i'm the queen of hot water i use it *so* much so i was not a happy camper. actually i was *never* a happy camper i really didn't want to be there at all so everything seemed about a billion and one times worse than it was (and it was pretty bad to start off with). know how we have squirrels that run around the streeet? well in jamaica they have GOATS and DOGS roaming around. not fun. i'm afraid of dogs (i can admit it now lauren, my bodyguard days are over :-) ) and geez who wants to see goats. one day when we were coming back from the supermarket there were about 8 goats on our street munching away an di had to walk past them it was SO bizarre. oh yeah i stayed in Kingston. the hospitals there are TERRIBLE. you know those war movies and they have the infirmaries? that is exactly what it was like. gross. just a big room with 3 rows of beds going all the way down. its terrible. and i kept on getting in trouble by the security guards there. you see they have a dress code. so one day as i was walking out the security guard explained that i could NEVER where what i was wearing again there (my GAP shorts and a black tank top). you have to wear something longer on the legs and arms. so whatever. i hated the hospital and NEVER wanted to go back. so one day i got tricked into going over there and i was improperly dressed so they wouldn't let me in. it was crazy ass shit. i had all these psycho dreams there but more on that later. ummmm i got 60 freaking mosquito bites so i'm VERY bitter about that. i got a rash on my arms that lasted about 2 days that wasn't good. upside to the trip turns out the Today Show is on at 8am there instead of 7am like its on here so i was thrilled beyond belief. i got to have my dose of Katie, Matt, Al and Ann. most of the TV is american channels soi was in heaven tv wise. i got to watch GROWING PAINS reruns. i used to LOVE that show soooooooooo much. and i watched alot of Full House and Ellen. i was so bored there. i went to bed at like 8pm every night and woke up at 8am. is that not depressing? i barely ate there either. i would have cereal in the morning and then if i were forced to eat in the afternoon then i would. i can't eat when its hot outside. and it was fucking hot over there. what else? oh yeah i *really* don't like my uncle anymore. i've always known he was a chauvinist pig but now its aggravating me more than ever. like whenever someone does a dumbass driving mistake he'll be like i bet its a woman driver. augh. orrrr we were listening to the radio and they were talking about gay people and my uncle was like they just need to put them in a barrel and dump them in the sea. i just sat there like in shock. what the hell do you say to *that*. augh. so he pissed me off royally. and that is so not one of the things that i can let pass. i mean fine its not i'm gay or anything (its times like that that i wish i were just to piss him off) and i don't even have any close friends (i think) that are gay...but come on its human decency people. augh. McChicken's in jamaica are kind of the same but something is different i'm not sure what. and the fries at mcdonalds are bigger. i don't htink they have GAP in jamaica :-( i think that's it.

yeah so i finished or inhaled that Wally Lamb book *I Know This Much is True* in about 4 days (did i mention it was 900 pages?) yeah thats a sign of my boredom. i love this guy. first he writes *She's Come Undone* (a must read) and he writes soooo well in a woman's voice. now he writes this as a man and sounds so great. and captures emotion so well. i loved it. and i ALSO read *Breath Eyes Memory*. also enjoyable but there is something in it that didn't really strike a chord with me. i dunnoo. it wasn't bad but i thought that it was lacking something. maybe i just didn't *get* it. i think i'll go and see what oprah said about it. now i'm reading *memoirs of a geisha*. seems promising thus far.

oh yeah my dreams. okay this first dream is kind of complicated so just bare with me. i was me. in my dream were JFK jr. (still in shock he's dead) and his sister Caroline. BUT they were younger. john john was like 20 something. BUT i was my age. and i was kind of like from the future cause i knew that he had died and all that stuff. so i proceed to like FALL IN LOVE with this john john from the past. you cannot understand how fucking sweet he was. i don't even remember what he did but he was just *that* cool that i was all excited about him. caroline was cool as well but do we really care that much about her? and in my dream i kept on saying how tragic it is for him to die so young and all this stuff. then i think what happened was that i fast forwarded to the future and i watched him die...well not exactly i knew he was in a plane and i heard this loud buzzing that kept on coming closer and closer and then i woke screamin. i'm not jokin...SCREAMING. the buzzing was actually a mosquito buzzing in my ear. oy is all we can say about that. THEN my second dream was equally but differently weird. i called lisa cow and we were going to go dancing at randolph and then head over to the Neder (weird much?). then i called laura and got her to come as well. but as i was leaving my apartment i see laura coming out of an apartment down the hall. and i'm like LAURA if you live down the hall from me why do we always meet and finch station when we could just meet here?? so then we decided that from now on we would meet in the hallway. but then laura and i decided that we wouldn't go dancing and instead wanted to go see FAME starring Chita Rivera and Liza Minelli and Cat :-) i'm not sure if we actually saw the show or just went backstage. but all i remember is chita in her limo thru her sunroof singing songs and then she saw me and laura and she invited us in. and we were having a ball. it was on crack. then lisa comes up and was like i figure you guys would find your way over here. then cat comes out and someone disappears and i start getting worried and we never see her again. but i did get a ride home with chita :-) oy i think it was a combination of heat and mosquito bites giving me these delirious dreams.

so today. went dancing. the michael jackson combo is no longer to michael jackson but to jennifer lopez...i'm one happy chica. she took the tempo down so we aer no longer going soooooo fast we are just going sooo fast. didn't get to talk to siona because this new chic was talking to her for sooooo long and i didn't feel like waiting :-( siona was wound up sooooo much it was frightening. then i met laura at some point and we walked along queen. went to hmv and found gavin's cd and listened to it. and had a gay ole time doing it too :-) let me just say this to every special person out there... i want to write you the ultimate love song. i have never had so much fun at an HMV listening station in my life. then we went to the Princess to talk to a box office lady about our million and one quesitons. she was uber cool whoever she was. then it was off to shopsey's and accidentally stalking the cast of FAME :) they were sitting across from us and over the way and we were mildly curious. it was so weird and half of them look like other people (OMG pierre is wearing bug glasses he look slike a bug). then laura tried to seduce the shopsey's manager type guy and phil :) okay so here is the story. laura went to talk to phil as we were leaving. at one point phil left because he had to do the bill for the people from FAME. so we started talking to manager type dude. SOMEHOW we start talking about me going to randolph and it turns out he is or was a salsa dancer. laura and i are like wow that's really cool. then la la la we have to leave and laura's like yeah and we'll go salsa dancing one night. this is where the big OY starts. so then him and phil are thinking she is for real and start making plans for tuesday and laura and i are standing there like wtf is going on...we were so confused. then phil was like are you guys 19? so we are like NO. and the manager type dude took like 4 steps away from was HILARIOUS. then i wasl ike we have to go HOME now. it was beyond hilarious. actaully it was beyond beyond hilarious.... i guess we are avoiding shopsey's for a while nest pas?

now i'm home typing this entry which doesn't seem too long. wanna know who amuses the shit out of me...ENIMEN aka Slim Shady. he's hilaroius. he's raps are SO evil but i just sit and laugh so hard listening. i think i may need to get his cd. that song with him and dr. dre is fun stuff. its so weird i don't normally listen to rap but every once in a whle i get this ghetto tendencies and start listening to Tupac or something like that. yeah so i'm ordering this cd from BMG very soon. oh time to start missy over again. and ya know waht other song i love that new Whitney Houston song *my love is your love*. it just makes me so happy and i love the video. i want the backstreet boys cd millenium (all of you stop snickerin). what else do i want...OMG OMG OMG the austin powers 2 cd...that is one great cd. HILAY WHEN DO YOU LEAVE FOR MCGILL??????????? wow they say mother fucker a lot on this cd. missy is so original...great beats. original beats. yeah missy.

okay i needs to be outtie about now




August 7, 1999

"i'm so tired that i can't sleep/ standing on the edge of something much to deep/ its funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word/ we are screaming inside, but we can't be heard"
-- Sarah McLachlan

oy i've been on such a buying binge over the past two's semi sick. i think i'll start every journal with a song quote. i'm always listening to music while i type this bloody thing...i might as well n'est pas? so yes back to my buying... yesterday after dance i went to Indigo with the intention of buying that new Wally Lamb book. i *did* buy it but i also ended up with *Memoirs of a Geisha* and *Breath, Eyes, Memory*. and then i was like *hey* i like books why don't i join the Indigo book club thingy so i did that. but the lady forgot to charge me for my membership and i didn't realize until i got i said oy let's just forget it. then last night as i was romping around Yonge i kept on seeing Sarah McLachlan's new cd, but i told myself i couldn't buy it then and that tomorrow was another day. so today i got *mirrorball* and the new Missy Elliot cd. does anyone out there listen to Missy??? i *love* that chica...but i don't think i know anyone else who really listens to her. if you do step forward.

hey it was so weird. today i was flipping through the new Seventeen magazine while in Pharma Plus and i saw 2 people i know in it. Craig Kielburger...that guy who crusades around the world against child labour AND caroline wayne...she used to go to RENT. it was very berry odd. caroline was in it because she is this super x-file lover/obsessor or something like that. very interesting.

oy when *was* the last time i wrote?? i can't even remember where i left off. i really don't want to connect and find out...but i must. wow that was ages ago... passport office day...that must have been wednesday.

oy this is starting to *really* piss me off already. same thing everysingle day. people are so retarded i swear. okay i'm on that stupid renthead mailing list and the benny tour one and sonic. i was off my computer from like 9am until 11pm. i came and checked my mail and i had upwards 300 e-mails. non of ANY substance at all. i hate having to go and delete them all because i never read ANY of them....its a waste of internet energy. i'm subbing off for good. but now i'm on this joke mailing list called TwistedHumour and its amusing the shit out of me. the humour isn't *all* that twisted, but the majority of the jokes have some sort of pervish undertone. very nice.

wow i love me some sarah mclachlan. i'm pissed that i won't be at the fucking lauryn hill concert on tuesday. i'm not a happy camper about that at all. eh maybe i'll treat myself and get me some scalped Lilith Tickets or something....ease the pain of my Lauryn Hill-less summer. be nice to see ms. sarah again and sheryl... we shall see. is lilith sold out?? hey i'm going to call. they have me on hold. i'll keeep you all updated :-)

oh yes what was i talking about nothing really it looks like. i'm bab bab babbling away. okay so life since wednesday... i babysat on thursday from 12pm until 10pm...and boy was it fun. by the time i got home i wanted to just drop and fall asleep. i don't think i had ever been sooooo tired except for on friday. babysat from 8am until 6:30pm but then i hauled ass to dance class and danced for just under 2 hours. it was soooo painful. while we were doing our chaine turns i discovered that i had a cut on the big toe of my right foot and it was freaking painful. it made every dance step hurt THAT much more. now we are doing our combo to freaking michael jackson. siona is a *bit* obsessed with that boy...maybe it has to do with the fact that they share the same last name...but who knows. but its a great combo but so hard. this was honestly the first time i've ever been so frustrated in class..or maybe it was because i was so tired. so after class i went to talk to siona cause i was going away and wanted to say bye and all that jazz.

okay i'm starting a new paragraph because i have a feeling this paragraph will lead into a whole other topic. soooo i told siona that i was going to Jamaica and she fussed and was like i guess *someone* has money and i was like not really cause i'm still in debt. then she started going on about fun in the sun and la la then i was like actually we are going cause my mom's sister is really sick. the look on her face amused me muchly. but siona is *such* a good person to talk about death with. i swear if you know someone dying go talk to siona. sooo then she starts talking about how her grandfather died of cancer not to long ago and then she started using all these metaphors and this imagery about was crazy. siona comes across as very smart...not necessarily but not excluding booksmart... but more life smart. but it was sooo weird talking to her about it because she was close if not very close to her grandfather so the whole thing was big for her. but with me in contrast i don't even *know* my mom's sister..who i guess is my *aunt*. like i've never seen her or talked to her on the phone. never gotten a birthday card or a x-mas its hard to care. actually that's the wrong thing to say. its more that its hard i don't know the word...but y'all have an *idea* of what i'm trying to say. like its not a matter of me not accepting that she's dying or that i dont' think its a bad thing...its just that its hard to *feel* too much about the whole thing. i guess taht is the best way to put it. like the whole thing isn't tearing me up or anything. there we go, i think that about sums it up.

on a lighter note... abbas (president of the whole circus that is randolph dance canada) is on this mission to get me to take hiphop..he just wants my money. everyday its *tony, when are you going to take hiphop??* one day i'll have to suck it up and get my ass to *scary jen's* class. and miss laura when *are* you coming to play in dance class? when i get back you better :-) maybe we can even put an end to this name thing. and i had *the* perfect master plan. i was going to tell siona to tell lea that *tonya says bye cause she's on vacation* but siona got so deep and shit that i forgot :-(

i have been bonding soooo much with Laura (the 2 year old i babysit for). i've been babysitting for her by myself without her sister Christine there so we have just been chilling. today both her mom and i put her dow for a nap. she gave me two hugs and two kisses and gave her mom one of each. then as we were walking downstairs she starts screamin so her mom yells what do you want and she starts yelling *ta-na ta-na*. how sweet :-) but its been cool we've been painting and playing with play-doh and going to the wadding pool and the library. its so amusing. and she's sooo friendly. she hugs random people its kind of scary actually. but cute nontheless.

why isn't anyone online? this is disturbing me. i turned off my connection because there is *no* one to talk to. maybe i'll start writing e-mails. and where is my mom? she went to duffering mall at like 5:30ish and now its 7 and she isn't back. i want to take a bath with my new Pocahontas bubble bath. i will...soon. and why isnt' laura home?? oy all these questions and no answers (yet).

yah so i'm going away tomorrow morning at 10:45am. don't even get me started on *that*. i'm refusing to bring any money. its not my trip, i don't want to be i'm not spending any money. it will be interesting. i'm going to read the whole time. that wally lamb book is 901 pages. i haven't even packed yet. my mom is taking care of that. i'm oficially just a *body* some extra *body heat* on this trip. oh well, i don't care. oh my mom just called she is now at the Galleria on her way home and she bought me batteries :-)

oy how long is this sarah cd...i'm really anxoius to listen to the new missy cd.

i've been having the BIGGEST eating problems for the past little while. i've just been so busy that i forget to eat. in the morning i wake up either too late OR i'm not really hungry so i'll have juice or something. then lunch rolls around and i'm babysitting and they have nothing that i like so i don't eat. then dinner rolls around and i have dinner. unless its a dance night... then i won't eat before dance cause i hate danciing on a full stomach, and then i rarely eat after dance cause after dance i feel full. my nutrional status is kind of wonky now i guess. not good at all. i have to remember to eat. but i have been eating a lot of peaches and plums and bananas for some reason so thats kind of good right? and also i'm just so sick of food. its like i eat the same things day in and day out...same options everyday. like now when my mom asks what do i want for dinner i honestly say anything just because i don't *care* about food. i hate that tho. because now i'm loosing so much weight and i hate loosing weight because i liked where my body was at before. so between dancing a lot and not eating i'm shrinking out of my clothes which is not very fun at all. mental note..must beef up :-)

hmmmm what else to talk about?? i had something that i wanted to say but i fully can't remember and its driving me crazy. oy and it was so clever and witty too...hehe but aren't i always :-) what the hell was it? well on a completely unrelated note there are no lawns for the sarah concert..but there are two seats completely on the side in like the last row...yeah i'll skip those hot mamas. i'm in need of a solitaire break.

ohhhh i'm now listening to missy. everyone and their dog is featured on her cd. eminem (who amuses me), nicole, redman, lil' kim, aaliyah, da brat AND Beyonce from destiny's child. its amuses me greatly.

okay i'm off now. i'll be back next saturday. have a good week y'all.

oh yeah its maggie's b-day today. that means a year ago tomorrow i was in ottawa...time flies :-)



August 6, 1999

eh, don't get excited...this isn't a real update. just saying *hey* and that i am still alive..but barely. this 10 hours a day babysitting thang is wearing me out. i will write a real update tomorrow. maybe its a good thing i'm not really updating today i really have *nothing* to say. ohhh had a good siona convo..but we'll save that for another day.




August 4, 1999

i wasn't even planning on updating tonight but i read something that got me so pissed off that i had to. not even that..i think i'm just bored and need to update :-)

okay so we all know about lauren (who won't get a link tonight cause i think she is psycho) and her drug thing n'est pas? so i'm reading her journal check out this quote:
until tomorrow, i just want you to know that the more you make fun of me or pick on me for doing drugs, the more it encourages me. its attention, people.
how fucked up is that logic huh?? this is clearly an example of wanting something so bad that you are willing to fuck yourself up for it. oy vey. actually here is attention for lauren she is getting a chunk of my journal about her because i think she is turning into *such* a dork (i would say loser but that is just harsh). remember when you used to talk about certain people (read: person) doing stupid things for attention when really they looked like an idiot...well guess where you are now? where to start oh where to start?? hmmm how about the beginning of the entry...sooo her drug thing is kind of scaring her but she's not willing to stop because:
and although i know i am not making the smartest decisions right now, i dont want to stop. cause i love it when i am high. i can be sad and i can be and i can just be and its just so liberating.
hmmm that sounds pretty sketchy. um...can we spell I-N-S-E-C-U-R-I-T-Y??? (one might think i'm having a bad day to be doing this..but i've had SUCH a great day and my head is so clear). *i* think its sad that in order for you to express yourself and show who you *really* are you need to use drugs. that doesn't sound right. why can't you just *be* and be *sad* when you are non-high (what do you call the opposite of being high anyway?). if you're afraid to show your true self to your friends that says a lot about your friendship or who you are and how you feel about yourself. hmmmm i'm sick of this topic now....i'm moving on..besides, the more i write the more my respect-o-meter for miss lauren zooooms down.

side note (but not really to the side): i don't *care* if people do drugs...frankly its non of my business. yes i think drugs aren't good, but i don't make it my duty to dissuade the masses from doing it. i say if you want to do it then just do it. i think its sad that people waste their time/money/lives/brain cells doing it...but hey what can ya do. sure i know people who use...some regularly some not as frequently.. its not to say that i'm *cool* with it..but its not my life (that probably sounds apathetic and distant but so what) and i'll only get pissed when people start trying to push it on me. in saying all that just cause its non of my business doesn't mean i won't tease/harass you endlessly about it :-) and that's my story and i'm sticking to it. hilary just informed me of this quote from *Clueless* that is oh so appropriate:
"thai, it is one thing to light one up at a party, but it is a completely different thing if you are going to smoke up every day.....the stoners hang out on that grassy knoll over there, maybe you want to join them?"

soooo my day today. had quite the adventure in the morning. had to go to my sister's office downtown to pick up my intinerary for the freaking plane to jamaica because i needed it if i wanted to get my passport extre speedy considering we are leaving on sunday. then it was off to the passport office to hand in the forms. when we got there they were at number 72 our number was 112. figure the wait. but then i had to go babysitting so my mom took care of that stuff. but not before she had to go allll the way to the birth certificate office to get a new one for me cause my other one was invalid or something like that. oy. so now i get a passport on friday.

sooooo i babysat. it was relazing. just laura and me. laura slept for like 2 hours. no kid naps for 2 hours...that's just wrong. then we played with playdoh and coloured and shit and then i was off to meet jaime klein.

i had *the* funnest time with that chica tonight. first we met up and had sushi...we went to Sushi Time on Bloor which was very nice and happy. i had some yummy yummy in the tummy california rolls and some good good tempura. i seriously needed my sushi fix. i hadn't had sushi since the day of my second to last exam. and it wasn't even real was the kind you get at Eaton Centre from that little booth...very sketchy. so we ate...we talked..caught up..very nice. then we went and played in Shoppers Drug Mart. that store is fucking hazardous. i went in there with the intention of buying nothing and i walked out with Pocahontas Bubble Bath, Calgon body mist (lilac) and jaime and i split a double pack of Binaca type Sweet Breath stuff. we want to be studs :-) so i've been randomly spraying Binaca in my mouth all evening. then we trekked over to Movenpick to have ice cream and it was delicious. then jaime had the idea to see a movie with her free passes. so it was Drop Dead Gorgeous that we saw. it amused me greatly. let me just say that you are all *as beautiful as a whore's ass*. fave line in the movie :-) kirstie alley rocked. so that was my evening.

stupid mr. chad richardson's concert was cancelled. i wanted to go. well i *was* going to go but then it had to go and get itself cancelled. if the friggin show is rescheduled for when i'm away i will have to hurt someone. i even got myself an id. damn it..but it will come in handy cause there are always shows i want to see but you have to be 19+...and now since i'm Tonya Martin (in honor of my love bug ricky) i am 19+. so that is that.

its so not august 4th anymore. and it wasn't ari that wrote that entry...damn her :-) and she does have NKOTB sheets already.


hellooooooooo my darling


August 3, 1999

okay... everyone go read ari's journal and tell me how amusing it is. oy her and her depantsing of a certain person... coughcoughcoughjimcoufhcoughcough, and her wild New Kids On The Block escapades. amuses me. if anyone has NKOTB sheets i think you should send them to The ARINATOR. wait did ari not write that entry...i'm muy confused. the mystery needs to be solved.

okay so here is my random thing for the day. my mom's sister is dying so we have to go to Jamaica for next week for a week. am i happy. no. i do NOT want to go at all. the only reason i HAVE to go is cause my mom doesn't want to leave me all by my lonesome. so how shitty is that. i don't want to go AWAY i want to stay HERE. i'm very pissy about that. so that is my story.

today was the day from hell. okay little history. tuesday = dance day. so i was supposed to babysit all day today until 5pm then i was going to HAUL ASS over to RAndolph and get my lea fix. then last night jan calls and asks if i can babysit in the evening as well. and i told her that i had plans but would see if i could get in touch with my friend. so la la la she doesn't need me in the evening but would like me to stay until 7pn. so i tell her i'll call my friend again and tell her to remake our reservations for sushi. (keep in mind tonya isn't going to have sushi with any friend). sooooo when she gets home she asked if i had gotten in touch with my friend. and i tell her that i left her a voice message and then she called my HOUSE and left a message saying reservations are at 6:30. then she was like do you think you could get in touch with her and get her to change them...then i went thru this whole thing of her being at work and me not being sure of where she is. but for good measure i decide to go and leave my friend a voice mail. sooooo my intention is to call my laura who was SUPPOSED to be at work and leave a weird ass messsage for her. but then i call and she being caught completly off guard BURSTS out hysterical. then i'm like bye. poor confused :-) but i did call her from the park afterwards so its all good. and that was my adventure.

also i had to do soooo many random errands today so my MOM came and babysat today as well. i had to take passport pictures...and i look TERRIBLE cause i have a lovely zit in the middle of my forehead. i'm not a happy camper.

after leaving babysitting at 5:25pm i took a freaking TAXI too RANDOLPH so i wouldn't be TOO late for my 5:30 class. i ended up waltzing into randolph at 5:45pm and with 10$ less in my wallet. how fucked is that? but it was worth it. lea was on her usual amount of crack. LEA knows my name (unlike some people...). lea is biting siona's styles and using the Lenny Kravitz song American Woman for a combo. very good combo. not sketchy at all. lea is queen of sketchy combos...ummmm how sweet it is to be loved by you was VERY sketchy. i ran into siona in the washroom after class. so i said hey siona and she replied helloooooooooooo my darling. oy all i could do to not laugh my ass off.

so those were the adventures of the day. oy i'm forgetting something. actaully i'm tired i'll tell of my adventurous tales tomorrow :-)


*hello my darling*


August 1, 1999

well it has been quite an eventful day yesterday. i think i updated AFTER babysitting so we don't need to talk about that.

well went to Cow's house where she had a family (+ laura, lindsay, lara, lisa, max and me) get together for her birthday. got to see the crazy Bowman/Mulins clan in action :-) very nice people. ohhhh COW what does yor grandfather mean when he said *i've heard a lot about you??* yeah that was freaky. i had fun tho. we played the violent slapping card game for a while. hmmm i was sodomized with a badminton racket ( thanks for that one max). press didn't walk to the beat :( i played with Ryland and his furby and talked about farts :-) and that was my evening.

on my way home i met this freaky man. he had a suitcase and as i got off the streetcar he was like *can you pull me across the street with your umbrella* and of course i'm like *no*. so then he's asking me my name (saskia), where the name is from (holland), where i'm from (new york), what i'm doing in toronto (visiting family and auditioning for stuff) and where my family is from (london). then he's like do you have a phone number. what kind of messed up question is that?? so of course i'm like *what the hell do you think?* and then he asks for it. and i was how old do you think i am and he was like 20 something... and of course i'm like think a lot lower. so he ends up guessing 16 and was like *i'm really robbing the cradle* and i'm like *you feel like an asshole now don't you?* so la la la he ends up getting off at my stop and guesses what street i live on... but i didn't acknowledge i got of the bus and walked REALLY fast. this was at like 1:15am... very um.. fun?

oy i promised ari an update by 7pm. i can make i can make it :-) its 531pm.. i have time.

lets see what else. i forgot to talk about my obsesssions from last friday. first of all i went to the Banana Shop (west indian food store) with my mom. and there was this woman who was packing out the fish in the store. and my area is a BIG italian area. but then the woman opens her mouth and she's talking pure patois. i was very amused. its not like i've never heard someone non-black speak patois but for some reason it amuses me verymuch. then we were talking to her and she was telling us about the cod fish industry. but i was loving her voice. okay.. so then in siona's friday pre-jazz there are these Korean ballet dancers. I LOVE THEM. i don't talk to them or anything but they are just so graceful... not all that great at jazz 'cause they are just WAY to ballet but they are SO much fun to watch. there was one more obsession but i can't remember...damn me.

ohhhh beautiful stranger is on KISS. i LOVE LOVE LOVE madonna. i still need to get myself a Madonna t-shirt man.

oy i'm in sooooo much pain. i was eaten by giant mutant mosquitos yesterday. so far i've found 7 bites..but i'm sure there are more. it hurts to walk because of them. its really not good. my leg looks like i have golfballs underneath my skin. i'm not a happy camper.

to know you. is to love you (do do dooo) you're everywhere i go. and everybody knows. i wait for you with tears. and swallowed all my pride. (da na na na na na da da da na na)beautiful stranger. ((da na na na na na da da da na na)beautiful stranger.

i think now i'm just babbling. but you all like when i babble right? you all better or there will be some ruckus and asskicking happening.

i would just like to announce my love for the ARINATOR. she amuses me endlessly. i made a comment about getting into someones pants (as a joke..umm... yeah..of course) now she doesn't believe that i'm *joking* oy vey :-) and we decided that no more rent trips for me (which is SOOOO okay with me). mutual decision. but we won't get into that now...

i'm off off and away.



July 31, 1999

well well well. here i am and updating. aren't we all happy. sooooooo let's see what to talk about today? i'm very happy that Hannah is back from Woodstock and with very kick ass updates. YEAH BANANA.

yesterday was such a dick ass day. i hung around. then i had to go and do all these stupid little errands, like making tapes, mailing tapes and going to the bank. i hate errands. i mean they *have* to get done but sometimes they are just so freaking tedious. so yes did that. hmmm jan called and asked me to babysit. i didn't pick up the phone so she left a message. i didn't call back :) i pretended that i was out ALL day. its so sad that i have to like hide from it.

then it was off to dance. i know how much *everyone* loves my dancing sto... OMG backstreet's on. and dev you didn't kill them cause i'm listening to them as i type. anyway... yes everyone loves my dancing stories :-) la la la i get to dance fun stuff abbas was there instead of the friendly asian receptionist. oh back to the name conflict. julian and i were both speaking to siona for a while. then at one point she didn't hear what he said so she was like *what did you say JULIAN*. then when she didn't hear me she said *what was that BABY*. oy vey i need to uncover this mystery. but yesterday i was baby, darling, sweetie, baby and darling again :-) ohhh i'm loving this new dance. its not about sex..or shimmy and shaking..its more *sensual* and *thoughtful* but i'm loving it.

today i babysat while jan and jery went to St. Lawrence Market. of course it had to RAIN so we were trapped in the house and the power went out..boy was that fun. then when her parents came home Christine thru a lovely tantrum. it was all very amusing.but they are going away for the longweekend so it means freedom for me me me. but Laura was sweet as always. she's obsessed with kissing me and its really amusing. like the other day iwas wearing my CB necklace and she kept on grabbing it then kissing my neck. too cute.

ohhhhhhh last night i had some VERY *scandolous* dreams. we won't get into them here..but let's just say they were related to my discussion with Ari about the me on the mountain with a certain person. it was so freaky. not scary freaky...just weird. oh Ari added me into her Pita. don't ask just go :-) Ari has been providing me with many hours of amusement over hte past couple days. i mean she IS the ARINATOR which she discovered rhymes with URINATOR. isn't that clever... they taught her well at Boston U. :-) i had a great IM convo with a certain Ms. Devon Weber who i have not spoken to in person since december. now i've discovered that Megs has IM so that is another crackfilled person to talk to.

oh something i wanted to talk about today. it had to do with hannah's journal. it made me so sad. it was about love...i just wanted to giver her a hug :-( but we'll talk about that later :-)

i'm off off and away.



July 30, 1999

well isn't today quite the day for b-days. first of all we have Cow who turns 18 (which i think is *so* wrong she's 4). Trish Young.. that sounds so wrong she's either Tricia Young or just Trish... well that's besides the point. Trish turns 24 today. AND Anthony my e-mail buddy turns 19. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all :-)

in other news jennpease's journal is amusing me endlessly. it all started with her commentary on answering machines and how you used to have to WORK on getting in touch with people and how now with answering machines you leave the responsibilty to other people. its sooo true. if i have to call someone i don't want to talk to i'll call them when i KNOW they are out. and when they callback i'll either a.) be out OR b.) screen there call. when they do leave a message if i don't feel like talking i'll just pretend i never got the message. yes i know i'm pure evil. then she was going on about Robest the sketchy *Street News* guy who hangs around the Neder to sell the *Street News*. for some reason it amuses me...maybe its just cause i know *exactly* who he is. OMG do you know what i forgot about... the drunken homeless man who tried to give me a postcard for money and then kissed my shoulder and rubbed it off...can we spell EW.

then we have Ari who said that she thinks i'm on total and utter crack. i'm weirdly honoured by that statement... i think from now on i'll refer to Ari as the arinator. that has a nice ring to it..Arinator. everyone lookout its...THE ARINATTOR. oh little billy i can save your kitty..i'm THE ARINATOR. of course i didn't rob that house i'm here for good not evil, besides i'm ... THE ARINATOR. i like that... a lot.

oy i'm turning into such a journal skank. i have about a gazillion on my list to read these days. ohhhh Hannah updated about her Woodstock fiasco. here's her journal so go read about it. that's enough about journals now.

OMG OMG OMG. so yesterday i was on the internet looking for info on Destiny's Child. i found out their ages which lead to many a spaz. here i am thinking they are like 23 or 24 something like that...well they were born in 1981.. I was born in 1982. that makes them 17 turning 18. i'm sorry but that is so beyond fucked. they OBVIOUSLY don't write their stuff... imean have you LISTENED to the lyrics in *bills bills bills* its craziness... i should but them here. on the up side i found a 30 second sound clip of bills bills bills so i can get a mini fix. i'm disturbed..they aren't allowed to be that young...that means that fucking BRANDY is older than them...brandy is NOT supposed to be older than anyone. EWWWWW remember their song *no no no* (hehe sounds like bills bills bills) they must have been 15 and 16. that is so EW. ohhh on KISS they are playing *ghetto superstar* and i'm amused.

hmmmmm what else oh what else? babysat... la la la. i really have nothing else to say right now except that i shall be dancing tonight.




July 29 , 1999

its so odd. i always *mean* to write my journal but it always just slips out of my lil' ole mind. i always have full intention of writing but sometimes it just doesn't happen.

so let's see. yesterday yesterday yesterday. i watched A LOT of television. saw some great *Fresh Prince* reruns. i always forget how much i *love* that show. watched *Wok with Yan* oy that Yan is on crack. of course i watched *Rosie* and *The View*. and i mean you've got to watch those music videos. and i saw that video for that new-ish Destiny's Child song Bills Bills Bills no less than 6 times in a 3 hour time period (between BET and MUCH). now the goddamn song is stuck in my head and i want to hear it more more more more. oh yeah i had an adventure yesterday.

so lisa cow calls at like 11:37am and is like if you get the urge to call me after 11:45am call this number. so i'm like wtf. so i'm waiting and waiting and waiting and frankly no urge to call Cow. then she calls again and is like check your mailbox. i do. nothing in it. so THEN she realizes that whatever she had couriered had been delivered to another address (her bad) so i had to go a block up my street to the area i NEVER go to. and go to this random house and steal this envelope out of their mailbox that was actually mine. oy vey. it was worth it tho. turned out a had gotten a ticket to Cabaret for my b-day courtesy of Cow, Laura and Press. awwww how sweet :-) so that's why no one answered my mass e-mail about going to see it. dsam you all :-)

ohhhh now i'm listening to Kiss 92. i'm obsessed with that station. i even know the *phrase that pays* kiss 92 plays today's hit music...NOW GIVE ME MY MONEY. now all they have to do is call me...but they don't have my number. and why the heck aren't they playing Bills Bills Bills. the video for that is so cool. they did just play Jenifer Lopez so its all good. and have Backstreet Boys died...i haven't heard them in AGES. OMG OMG OMG they just put them on. that is so fucking freaking. ack today i have to go to Business Depot to buy some audios... i should have asked Cow to meet me on her lunch. oh well it will be a nice excursion. i should go fairly early or at least while i'm taping the soaps for my mom. i have so many tapes to make for people... 2 for elizabeth, 2 for deanna, 1 for random girl Karin and another for Hildaperv :-) but the goal is to have them all done by Sunday.

ohhhhhh i enjoy Ari's journal very much. i was reading it last night and now she has been added to my rotation. witty and intelligent. and sensible.. well not entirely sensible..the whole thing about the pulling down of pants is just weird :-) HI ARI :-) i spoke to Ari on IM last night and she amused me endlessly. follow the link from the RENTCanada boards to Ari's journal. Dev sent me a list of journals to read so i have to amuse myself. i really do have a love for these online journals. its just so neat to see how different everyone's lives are. i mean we have Dev who is a total Hedwhore turned Hedwig employee (ushers at the Jane). Hannah and her exploits as a Whitbian. Lauren the movie theatre worker/pot smoker (oy vey don't even get me started on this new smoking up twice a day thing...or you could get me started and i'll have a gay old time stating *my* thoughts on the whole situation...) Who else do i read...TallGuy he counsellor extradinaire. JENNPEASE who's journal i am *obsessed* with (healthyly obsessed with) and Lorilee and her Marcin and Comp. Sci. people (that *is* what CS stands for right?). hehe i could have just put in soooo many links just now but i didn't cause i'm a lazy ass.

i babysat yesterday (quelle fucking surprise) we went to the park got caught in the rain came back bathed them put laura to bed played with christine then put her to bed and went home. i thkn i should just copy and paste taht into every entry in which babysitting was an act of my day.

do you believe in life after love? i can feel something inside me saying i really don't think you're strong enough ohhhh. sorry random Cher.

okay so here is my bitching and moaning for the day. in lauren's journal she was talking about how she was being yelled at by these guys in a jeep or something. you have really got to wonder what is going thru guys' heads. i mean do they really think they will hook up with a girl who they were ogling at from their car. delusional little boys. if i'm in a rotten enough mood i'll yell at them. not yell yell but tell them what i'm thinking. its always amusing. the best is when the guys are older like in their 30s and then i'm like what kind of fucking crack are you on how hold do you think i am? then they get all embarassed and feel like a fuck cause they were hitting on a 16 year old :-) ohhh now i'm in the mood to yell at pervs. and i swear wearing tank tops and capris attract more freaks. its so odd how guys work. damn those large amounts of testosterone.

Puffy is coming to town. i have *no* Puffy love at all. he went to school with my sister when she was in Howard. he'd always throw parties and stuff or someting like that. its such a small world. not only is Puffy promoting his album but he is probably buying another float for Caribana <> this year. i think he has for the past couple years.

i haven't been dancing in FOREVER...well since sunday and i need my fix. i need to shimmy and shake. and get down tonight. but i *think* i'm going dancing tomorrow so its all good. now i'm thinking that its possible that siona knows my name. here is the story. so on the tuesday before i left for Boston i told Lea that i was going away and wouldn't be there the next week but then something came up and we got sidetracked and started talking about something else so i never got to tell her where i was going. but then on FRIDAY i told siona where i was going and stuff and she was like i'll tell Lea for you (totally out of the blue). then when i came back i saw Nancy in my tuesday class and she was saying that Lea had told her that i was in New York. soooo the moral of this story is that Siona either knew my name OR described me to Lea and Lea would have told her my name or something. so now we just have to squeeze it out of her. that is why i need laura to come dancing with me :-) isn't incredible i can resurrect a dance story from weeks ago just to fill my dancing fix :-)

i should be off but there was one more thing i wanted to mention but now i have NO clue what it is. damn.




July 26, 1999

originally i wasn't really going to talk about *this* day that much...ya know how it was one year ago today that RENT left toronto and our *real* RENT experience began. but it has been a slow news day so guess what... i'm talking about it...eventho in the scheme of life its really a pretty insignificant thing...but eh what can you do? so last year i rushed EVERY SINGLE day of the last overload. i swear i fell asleep in everysingle show that week. not for long periods of time just that i'd blackout for different parts...your eyes, parts of What You Own...some dialogue nothing too big. ummm tuesday night was the night that maggie was in the audience and caused the biggest ruckus for laughing so loud. lauren how freaking loud was she? i was ROTFLMAO that whole show because she was sooo loud and she was sitting in like row N or something of the orchestra. then that night jenifer and dean b. decided to sleep over in line (both of their significant others were out of town...) so i got to line wednesday morning and oy vey there they were. fast forward... thursday dean m. was on as mark and my sister and my mom saw the show. my sister after the show wanted to leave sooooo badly so we left before i could talk to jenifer (and back then that was a BIG deal). actuallly lets fast forward to sunday...after spending a WHOLE day on going on a holy quest for various last show things... ie. final card supplies and little oddities..i also have a vague memory of romping around Queen with hildaperv and cow for something that i can't remember. then after the mat. karen leblanc lost her car keys but it turnedout renee had found them and returned them to the box office i think. i got a picture with mr. sexy pants aka cary :-) amber was was sandy and mia. saskia didn't come out because she was recording something...OMG dean in his church clothes :-) la la la last show... candles...gavin taking a picture during the show (or so we heard)...maggie actually crying...nat coming in from camp...the standing ovation at the beginning and saskia breaking down...kick ass show that ending way too fast. after the show oy fucking vey. lauren breaking my hand ( i still can't move my baby finger just right :-) )...jen and her flowers... dominique trying to convince my mom to take me to ottawa for a day having no hope of going to ottawa (hehe little did we know)...saskia with her giant bottle of pepto bismol...karen leblanc being very berry nice...the herd of girls following chad...maggie and fabio on the posts (remember fabio????)... saskia making fun of me and remarking on the fact that i had *real* seats (first row babee curtosy of a little swap with lauren and nat)...going to the Devil...lauren throwing up violently in the bathroom (so we thought) and melanie bringing her water..."lauren you're sooo cute"...various drunken cast members... dirty dirty make out scenes that we won't talk about more round of i don't need yo' kiss...and a very non-eventful taxi ride home. ta da and that was the last in toronto. still can't believe its been a year. the last in vancouver is only 3 months away that is weird stuff. feels like yesterday. also realized that i've seen many many cast members since the last (saskia, tricia, maggie, karen l, karen h, cary, melanie, chad, dean b, jai, gavin, thom, weird is that?)...and that is that.

what else is up in life??? i went dancing yesterday. almost had a heartattack. i didn't feel like dancing in the first place but i dragged my ass out of my house and went. when i got there this girl that normally takes my class was playing music and dancing around so i thought SHE was teaching the class and was BEYOND pissed...turns out she wasn't :-) siona came screeching in 8 minutes late (siona late on a sunday???? NEVER :-)) we ricky was fun. found out that lea and siona had been dancing at Wonderland on Saturday as back up dancers...if only i had known before. saw max in scary jen's class...i chuckled to my self wholeheartedly just cause its *scary jen*. damn me i can't go dancing tomorrow because i'm babysitting but at least i'm digging myself out of my debt.

i'm still planning my new website. i have too many ideas and i dont know how to fit them in which sucks. i think the title may be *vogue* in hommage to madonna but not about madonna. i'm trying to think of a logical way to organize the content and its pissing me off beyond belief. damn me and my creativity. and i wish i was really good at HTML life would be so much fun if i could do kick ass html. oy oy oy dilemmas.

i'm very disappointed in Jennpease at the moment. here i get soooo addicted to her journal and now no update since last thursday. oy. at least hilary updated. good girl hildaperv. you amuse me greatly as well. lets see if lorilee is updated. only updated people get links... lorilee has been good so she gets a link. those are all the journals i shall check. i don't have to check lauren's cause i *think* she is working right now, but she is good with the updating.

now i'm just babbling. i should go.


tonya :)


July 25, 1999>p> ack i really don't feel like updating. it won't be a good one i apologize. went babysitting at 10am expecting to be out by 1pm... i didnt leave until 5pm. from now on when they call me i'm goingt o ask them how long they'll need me for. this is getting ridiculous. on a happier note i did make 40$. i should have of course saved it but i decided to go to HMV with my mom soooooo i bought Annie Get Your Gun with Bernadette (eternally cute) Peters AND i bought You're a Good Man Charlie Brown. they are amusing me endlessly. its so strange i've never really heard AGYG but it feels like i know so many of these songs. and i LIKE bernadette damn me for not seeing this show last time that i was in NYC. Ryan is going to go see it very berry soon i believe. YAGMCB is very very cute. Kristin Chenoweth DOES rock :-) i really want to hear that wedding song from AGYG but i'm trying to listen to the whole cd in order. i watched Austin Powers (the first one) last night. i saw it once but i had zero memory of it except that i wasn't too fond of it. but i liked it alot better this time...ITS THE WEDDING SONG WOOHOO... soory it was a lot better this time around. i like the second one a WHOLE lot better but this one was good as well. i also rented You've Got Mail which i will watch today when i return from the wonderful world of Randolph. i love me some meg ryan and tom cruise. and that is my life as of now. i have e-mails to answer which drives me batty. yes it drives me batty. wow i'm really loving AGYG, that's a good thing. now its over :-( do i move on to YAGMCB or listen to AGYG? we shall see. have a good day all you crazies.



July 23, 1999

hey hey hey :-) i just came back from dance class and BOY am i sooooooooooooooo freaking hyper. its sick how hyper i am, and there is no one online to share my hyperness with :-(

sooooo last night i get home from...where the fuck was i???? OH YEAH shopping with my petite peehead aka LAURA, and i had a message saying to call Jan (babysitting lady). so i called and she asked if i could come in for 930am. whatever i said yes cause its not like i had anything to do. so la la la i got my ass out of bed and rekindled my love for tv and then i set off for babysitting. it was a typical day. we went to the park (3 frigging times), they ate (a lot), laura had her nap, laura yelled at christine, christine yelled at laura, i got very very very bored, and all the while the parents were upstairs butting together a freaking bookshelf...oy i'm not bitter. so i figured i'd be there until like 1pm which is when laura goes down for her nap. 1pm rolls around and i'm still there...2pm....3pm..guess where tonya still is????? BABYSITTING. so finally i go upstairs and am like *i have to eat, i need to get organized before dance class, i have to go now* and they are like ummm... okay... it was hilarious. they still didn't have the shelf up :-)

so after that i came home and my mom decided that she didn't want to cook so we went to the foodcourt in Dufferin Mall to have me some Jimmy the Greek. it was so very yummy. by that time it was 7pm and i had dance class at 730pm and still had to hope on the train and go 7 stops PLUS walk down Yonge AND get changed. lets just say Tonya was not on time for dance...i was actually 12 minutes late :-) AND MAX YOU WEREN'T THERE...unless you went to Jazz1... uh oh :) so anyway back to the Mall. as i was leaving my petite peehead aka LAURA called me on zee cell phone asking me if i wanted to meet her and nat and lauren...i said *no*...hehe tha just reminded me of TMOLM :-)

so somehow i ended up in Siona's class after two weeks (?) of withdrawl. oy it was psycho. siona decided to take a *new* approach to teaching...that always has me slightly worried. anyhoo...she resurrected the Ricky Martin combo and since about half the class knew it she had the people who did know it come to the front. she'd say what we had to do instead of showing us. it worked out *really* well and during the whole class siona kept on yelling at us how much we *rocked*. then she said we inspired her :-) soooo anyhoo...during the beginning of our stretches siona came up to me and started asking me about my trip then she was like *we'll talk about this after class*. ha yeah for happy siona vibes. then after class she asked me about the trip and we talked about that for awhile and she made me feel soooo much better for being in debt for this trip :-) but it was good to be back in Siona's class... i had a lot of fun. this class was all about shimmying and sex :-)

now i'm online learning about universities. i can't wait to go away to university...eventho i have 2 more years of high school. you should see my crazy ass list of schools to learn about on the web...Boston College, Boston U, Brown, Columbia, Dartmouth (in honor of jennpease), NYU, Northwestern, Princeton, Sarah Lawrence, Spelman, Stanford, George Washington, Vassar, Georgetown, Harvard and Yale. quite the ambitious list. i should get smarter this year shouldn't i? i guess i should look at canadian schools as well...maybe that one in B.C. i don't think i could deal with going to U of T... it depresses me slightly to take the same route to university that i did to college. oy vey. oh yeah maybe McGill as well. oy i'm now learning about SAT's... its so easy seeming but all these little twists..the questions are tricky but simple. we will study for that well :-)

i think i will be off now.


tonya -- who is bored and REALLY wishes she were in Boston right now :-(


July 22, 1999

oy i'm so *freaking* bored. its hot and there is nothing to do on the net and that disturbs me greatly. i need something to do. i'm still contemplating making a new page but i have so many ideas that it is making it extremely hard to plan. damn me and my creativity. maybe i'll just make two pages.. we'll see. that is my goal to have a new page up by the end of summer i guess. i want it to be kick ass with *great* content and lots of content. hopefully it will all work out n'est pas?

ya know right now i'm thinking about *friends* and i'm sure i have conclusions about who my friends are and stuff, but i'm trying to figure out how to start this idea. i think it has to do with reading this's called Ophelia Speaks. its the *sequel* to Reviving Ophelia. so anyway..the book is composed of stories of different girls about a wide range of topics from death to divorce to friendship and drugs. its very interesting. freaky to see what some people are going thru but interesting non-the-less. so anyway the friends chapter had a section on amazing friendships and friendships that have fallen apart. hmmmmm i really have *no* clue where i'm going with this. its just neat to see how my friendships compare to other peoples. lets take my bestfriend and i as an example. we've been best friends since we were about...6.. i guess something like that. we were never really joined at the hip but i'd be at her house a lot and her family would invite me to do stuff with her. we always used to be on the phone and reading the same books and talking about the same people and stuff. the fact that we had always been in the same class also helped. so fast forward to junior high...we were still best friends eventho we had almost entirely different groups of friends...not entirely true i was friends with her friends but i *really* disliked them but was kind of sort of friends with them just cause they were her friends. but it was still cool...we'd still go out and hang out and have sleepovers and stuff. oh yeah did i mention we ended up going to the same junior high because she didn't want to be in a different school from me? soooooo high school rolls around and we end up in schools all the way across the city. i got wrapped up in sports and GAC (girls athletic council) and new friends and she got busy with committees and her friends from our junior high that had gone to her highschool. but in grade 9 we were good and kept in touch and stuff and still hung around. then grade rent...oops i mean grade ten rolled around. she made so much more of an effort to stay close then i did. she'd call, i wouldn't be home and i'd rarely get around to calling her. but she never gave up which is so cool of her. la la la met friends at rent which was nice. BUT i was distancing myself from my best friend which was bad. i mean me and my friend just had sooooo much history which is not worth loosing. we've seen every side to see of eachother we know how far each of us is willing to go in everything and we know what to expect from eachother. but with my newer friends is so different. i'm seeing new sides of them everyday, and its honestly disturbing. of course good comes out of it, but often it has me worried and wondering if i've ever made the wrong decision. why stray from someone who i've been friends for for years, who always knows what i'm thinking and feeling and vice versa, to reach this point of discovery with newer friends which is in all honesty quite pissy sometimes (but good alot of times so no one feel *too* dissed). another good thing is that she has no shit for me to deal with. she's great and what you see is basically what you get. i don't *like* nor *choose* to deal with shit, its confusing and pisses me off. so yeah for her not having shit like so many other people i know out there...oy the confusion. i'm writing her a letter at camp i think.

well so those were my thougs being provoked for the day :-)

today was quite the routine day. i went babysitting at 9am. took the kids to the park and we played played played. i wore myself out running around that park i needed i nap. then we came home and the mother decided to take the oldest kid with her to Kitchener to visit her parents or something. so i was left at home with laura to give her lunch. but of course the father was home, so i gave her lunch and was getting ready to leave and he was like i'll see you tonight. and of course i'm confused. so it turns out they wanted me to come that evening and watch laura while they went to ball hockey and took christine with them. but i already had plans with BIG laura so i told them i'd try to get in touch with her (YEAH RIGHT) and see if we could cancel. of course i wasn't going to cancel but they didn't have to know that. and its not like they were really in a bind. they could TAKE laura with them to ball hockey its just that they don't want to take care of their own child. OR jerry and christine could not go to ballhockey...not a big problem at all.

oy another thing that is making me pissy are birthdays. i officially hate them. i hate planning them. i hate finding presents. i hate thinking about them. i hate that it is one day that is supposed to be special but never really is. they are just so anti-climatic. we won't get into that now... my birthday is still on month and 21 days away ..i think...september 13.. you do the math.

where was i???? oh yeah shopping. laura and i went on a shopping trip to fairview where we got nothing accomplished at all. but it was fun. i laughed WAY to much. and i taught her how to moo like she's never mooed before. we also made friends with the lady at the Rogers@home booth...way too funny. we took her on a web adventure to a certain site (not mine for the record). oh yeah we did have good food. that greek place was very berry yummy. yummy yummy in my tummy. and beware of Fairview washrooms they have cockroaches. i dont like roaches. and that is my fairview story...minus the story about the detour (oy vey laura you and your detours).

tomorrow i'm babysitting at 9:30am. ask me if i want to babysit that early. well i don't. i am acuse i have to pay my sister back from the whole Boston/New York escapade. we got a new tv delivered today. our other ones were BOTH broken. how shitty is that? so now we have a new one. i like it. it makes me happy. now i can rent videos again. i want to rent austin powers and you've got mail. ahhhhh i need to dance. i need my siona fix. i need to dance skankily and sexily to Ricky Martin. i still want a fucking madonna t-shirt. i want singers on my dance t-shirts. oy watch me start collecting t-shirts. that would be could happen.

i got mentioned in Jennpeases journal. props to me. i should have linked her right there. i'm lazy. there's a link to her in the previous entry. i think i'm in a bitchy mood at the moment. there are just WAAAAAAAY to many people i want to yell at. and if they happen to IM as i'm writing this they may just. i hate having an online journal...well not really, but partially. there is so much more i could say about certain stuff but i won't just cause i feel i can't (and don't even bother speculating about what it is i'm talking about cause y'all would never know). and i can't keep a print journal cause i hate hate hate actually physically pisses me off.

i want my page to get more hits. i miss get loads of hits. i'm such a hit whore...or was it hitbitch... i can't remember. i should go to bed i'm becoming delirious. maybe i need to toast something. ohhhhhh i have ricola in front of me...gotta love me some ricola. oy i should go... i wonder if we have any cheese...i feel like listening to Les Miz..but i won't. OHHHH tallguy ir ead your journal i really do. i want to hear about your trip :-)




July 21, 1999

i need some *mood music* i'll be right back... okay back i've put in Les Miz :-) i'm obsessed with the music from that show its just so triumphant.

okay so today a bird shit on me, my toe bled and i thought i saw Bruce Willis (all separate incidents).

so today i had to babysit because the parents decided to go golfing. so that meant i had to be at their house for 8am which sucks ass. la la la i had to drop Christine (5 years) at her MOntessori Day Care thing so that she could go to RIverdale Farm. so i did that. then Laura (2 years) and i walked home and were going to go to the park but i had to go to the washroom so we walked home. then on our way out to the bank i hear *wooooosh SPLAT* that was the sound of me getting shit on by a bird. thank god it was a little tiny shit. easily whiped up. so we went to the bank and laura was being sooooo cute everyone was commenting on what a sweety she is. so we played out side ALL DAY it was psychotic but fun.

at one point in the day my left baby toe was hurting but nothing was wrong with it. then i look at my right baby toe and it was covered in blood. it was very freaky. at least the blood was all dry cause i would not have been able to have dealt with it otherwise. it was yuki and scary. my toes look a wreck my nailpolish is ALL chipped and i feel like such an unkept whore.i should really take it all off espcially since all i've been wearing are sandals.

i don't really have a bruce willis story other than the fact that i thought i saw him no less than 5 times today. it was very weird.

oy vey this JFK jr. thing. did i already talk about it? lets see... i did. but now they've found the wreckage and it has been confirmed that he is inside the plane. but as of last hour (10am) they didn't have the bodies of the Bessette sisters. that really sucks. this whole thing sucks. its just like the whole Princess Di thing. oy the Princess Di that was messed up. all those documentaries (i watched them all tho). but JFK jr. was just so *hot* and smart, and talented and hot and he had a great magazine and funny and oh yeah did i say hot? ya know i think i'm going to make a new page. a personal page. it will be fun. i really want a new layout for my journal because frankly what i have now is SUCH a *non-layout*. i really like Jennpeases layout. i'm *obsessed* with Jennpease's journal. i spent like 3 hours last night reading most of her entries from the last little while. its one of the best journals out there. yeah jennpease. you can be *my* friend, you sound so lonely :-)

i went dancing last night and it was JUST like old times. the whole *posse* was there... me, max, nancy and ryan aka diva. lea was on tremendous amounts of crack and Gavin was taking hiphop.

tis all for now :)



July 19, 1999

hello every :) well i'm back back back from new york/boston. let me just tell you that it was quite the epic trip so this is quite the epic journal entry. i think i'll do my journal day by day :) i say read half one day and read the other half the other day cause this is looooooonnnnnngggg.

*Saturday the 10th*
Soooo the start of the epic trip. so cow and i were up until like 2:30am talking and being stupid and we had to wake up at like 5;30am. *I* of course deal well with waking up early...not so much cow :) but anyway we slept for a HUGE chunk of the ride which was good because there was no way i'd stay awake for that entire 8 hour ride. so la la la we end up in New York at around 2pm which isn't too bad because it still leaves the day open. i really don't remember what we did. i think we unpacked and showered and stuff. then cow and i went to the Nederlander (where RENT is) because we were staying 8 blocks away and we wanted to see who we could see. Chad had been on as Roger that day. and Krysten was off but according to Chad she would be on the next day. Chad was royally nice. it was very freaky. does anyone remember when he used to be my favourite cast member back in like march or april of '98. oy that was forever ago. so we left the Neder and went back to the hotel because we had to go get changed and eat before we saw *Amy's View* starring DAME JUDI DENCH. so la la la we went to some deli/diner place and ate then we saw the show. OMG that show ROCKED. i mean i *like* plays but i generally prefer musicals because i just think that they are so lively..but that is a story for another time. the point is that i *loved* dame judi. then we went back to the hotel to sleep and get ready for the next day.

*Sunday the 11th*
on sunday we had to get our act together so that we could go to the Neder to get SRO for RENT. so we got to the Neder WAY too early. i think we were there before 10am when the box office opens at 11am. so we sat and waited and saw soooo many people off the boards. pete & ali, shannie, sammie and others. we spoke to shannon and sammie and they were very nice. Megs from Newmarket was also there. and she was very very very sweet. so whatever we got our SRO and then it was off to Greenwich Village for our epic walk with lisa's mom and her mom's friend Anite Winkle. so we walked ALL over the village which was cool but i've seen the Village many many many times...but its New York so i was happy :-) then we had to go back up to midtown so we could get ready for forbidden broadway. OMG THAT SHOW IS HILARIOUS. i had heard the cd before but watching it live was way too much for me. i was hysterical. for all of you that don't know Forbidden B'way makes fun of all these broadway shows, mostly musicals. and they have costumes and stuff. oy it was hilaroius. if you are in NYC try to see it. then we had to haul ass down b'way to get to the Neder in time to try the lottery. of course we lost. but we saw Jai and fully dissed him which was hilarious. we were RUNNING down the street and this guy is like *HI* so we stop turn and are like *oh hi* then he told us to go over to him and he gave us each hugs (he has *The* hairiest armpits it was gross) then we were like we've REALLY got to run. and we left. then we killed time before the show by eating at Sbarros (yum) and going to the GAP. so whatever. KRYSTEN WASN"T ON. Yaz was. i love Yaz so i was muy happy. the show sucked ass as usual. i'm not at all fond of the NYC cast. i try to find high points but its so hard. i strongly dislike jim i have been thinking of ways to plot his demise ever since i first saw him. manley just doesn't strike a cord with me. yaz she is my FAVOURITE thing about the entire cast. i love to have her onstage sooooo much. jose...lets not even go there because i still dont understand how he is allowed to be on stage as angel. michael as collins..whatever he is as stiff as a board. kenna.. WAIT i LIKE her. actually i really liked her. she is a great joanne and she is gorgeous. so yeah kenna. Tamara speaks WAY to fast and is very irritating. she should go back to being marks mom cause i *liked* her marks mom. Chad is the funniest waiter. he can't dance at all. i felt his pain :) there was probably more to the ensemble but they were all whatever. so those are my thoughts on the NYC cast :-) oh yeah we also saw ari that day and she amused me endlessly :)

*Monday the 12th*
so we originally weren't going to spend monday in NYC but we decided it would make sense to. so cow and i got SRO for Rent in the event that ms. cummings would be on. and her mom and anita got tickets to see Annie Get Your Gun. it was busy day from hell. FIRST we went to the Empire State building. i had never done that before i felt like *such* a tourist.i even took pictures :-) then it was off to the South Street Seaport for lisa and i to play while her mom was on the Circle Line. so first we went into Staples aka Business Depot and played in there for about 45 minutes. it was way too fun. then we decided to go into this museum down there. it was cool. lots of photos AND we got to play on a real boat. for some reason we were beyond exhausted so we went into the mall so we could stroll leisurely. then we had lunch at this restaurant where the waiter paid NO attention to us at all. and we couldn't even NOT leave him a tip becuase gratuity was included. damn those rat bastards. then we went ALL the way UPTOWN from LOWER MANHATTAN to the Museum of Natural History where we learned about diseases and dinosaurs. then we went over to Central Park which was right across the street and strolled thru it. i had NEEVR been to Central Park so it was nice to walk through there. then we went to FAO for about 5 minutes to get lisa's cousin a furby and then we RACED down to the Neder to try lotto. of course we lost because i am the lotto curse :-) then we had to figure out if Krysten would be on. sooo first i asked box office who told me to ask justin who said he had no clue. then we went to knock on the stage door where there was no answer. then we randomly ran into someone who worked backstage and he had no clue. then i decided to CALL The neder which turned out to be the box office so i got the number for the stage door and called. to make a long story a bit shorter it turned out that Krysten WOULD be on so we didn't sell our tickets :) the show was a lot better. krysten rocked. i had seen her once before but it was my first show so i don't really remember too much. but she was awesome. tamara only did the first act and then Carly who is fucking gorgeous was on as maureen the second act. i had seen her 2 times in december and wasn't fond of her first act but i had really liked her TMOLM so it was great to see it again after Tamara's train wreck of a performance. and i would also like to point out that she looks the best in that vinyl suit then anyone else :) after the show i finally met krysten and she was very sweet. it was funny. we were talking to chad and then we hugged goodbye and krysten was standing beside him with her arms out as in *do i get a hug*. so of course i'm like *hi i've never met you but my name is tonya and i'm from toronto* hmmm maybe you had to be there to see the funniness. then it was off to the hotel to sleep because we had to go to Boston the next morning.

*Tuesday the 13th*
when we got to boston it was still early in the day...i think it was around 2 or something. so we decided to be productive and do something. so we walked around Chinatown and over thru Boston Commons. and this tour guy offered us a trolley ride that came with a free harbour cruise. so we said yes. and we went on this Troley ride for about 2 hours. it went ALL over Boston. it was great learned sooooo much about the city and got to see what else i wanted to do for the next few days. then we went to this italian restaurant where i ate too much bread, was served too much pasta and anita had too much wine ;-) then we went back to the hotel where we played this card game called Nertz for about an hour and lisa and i won like 2 times out of 6 was pitiful. but we were honestly just killing time before we could go to see Trish and Maggie after the show. so we were early so walked around the front of the theatre and i look into this pizza place and who do i see but dominique roy. so she walks out we look at her she looks at us and none of us is saying *anything* it was hilarious. then la la la we started talking about *stuff* she seemed very excited that cary was joining and that her mom was in town. it was very nice to see her again. then maggie came out and we spoke to her for awhile but she wasn't feeling too great. and trish came out and she was sweet as always :-) actually we spoke for a while and made tentative plans for going out and she walked us to our hotel (almost) and that was our night.

*Wednesday the 14th*
now this was one hell of a busy day.we had planned to go to the computer museum AND the children's museum but it turned out that the computer one had been closed for renovation. so we spent like 3 hours in the children's museum. it was SOOOOOOO much fun. we just played the whole time cause its just a bunch of hands on activities. it was great. then it was off to Quincy Market. but somehow we got sidetracked and decided to go on that free harbur cruise that we had tickets for. the cruise sucked ass. the tour guide didn't know anything. but there were a lot of jellyfish in the water and those amused me endlessly. then it was off to quincy market. on our way in we saw this candy store. OMG it was sinful. they had chocolate covered everything. i bought a chocolate covered banana it was sooooooo good. oh yeah by this point my sore throat had developed into an OMG i can't talk and my nose is flowing like a river thing. so i was not to pleasant :) but we went to CVS and i got nasal spray and kleenex and ricola so i was happy. lisa and i also got to find internet access at the Boston globe store. it felt soooo good. it ws 5$ for 30 minutes so it wasn't too bad at all. i caught up on news and tried to update my journal but couldn't. then we had dinner in QUincy Market and there was just WAY too much food there. it took forever to decide what to have. but i finally setteld on a baked potato with broccoli and cheese. by this point we were exhausted but we hung around and i called my mom and we called laura :-). then we walked back to our hotel..about a 20 minute walk and we fell asleep..or at least *I* did cause i was beyond tired. oh yeah. lisa press was in town at that point and i spoke to her on the phone.

*Thursday the 15th*
lisa and i planned on rushing this day so we got up and were at the line at 4:45am but it was full so we went back to sleep. when we woke up lisa press called. we were talking then i asked her where she was and it turned out she was in our hotel lobby so i said giddy up and told her to come upstairs. so we ended up spending the entire day with press which was fun. first we went to the line because press said that lynda/katerin was there. so we did and met her and she was very berry cool..a psycho freak but cool.. i mean anyone who is down with Glen is a psycho freak n'est pas? we also met Tony and Laura and some other people who i'm for sure forgeting. then in a fit of adventurism we decided to take the T aka the subway to HARVARD by ourselves :) we made it just fine and we walked around Harvard Square which was nice. nothing too special but nice. they had an Aldo (awww maggie) and Urban outfitters and GAP... OMG they had HMV. sorry that isnt' the exciting part. so we are in HMV and i go to the listening station cause i want to hear wild wild west. so i flip over the cd and i'm reading what else is on it...and i see a song by some group featuring JILL SCOTT. so of course i listen to it and i FULLY think its *our* jill scott. it was hilarous. i wrote on my hand to ask trish about that later that night. so la la la we ate lunch at this cute diner thing and we were back off to downtown boston. we walked thru the Commom because i needed to buy t-shirts and then we went to our room to chill for a bit. we ended up playing a few violent rounds of cards :-) then we were EXTREMELY bored and press and i went for a walk and ended up at Newbury st. which is the equivalent to Bloor and Bay in toronto. we had sooo much fun. press you are a freaking crack head :) we went to bath and body works and tried EVERYTHING in that store. we smelled like a fruit bowl :) so la la la we went back to the hotel...actually FIRST we played in FAO Scwartz for abit then it was back to the hotel. we were once again epically bored but guess what it was 7pm so we watched Wheel of Fortune followed by Jeopardy followed by Friends. after friends we decided to go to Dominick's by the theatre to have Pizza. but when we got there we noticed something strange about the theatre...there were 2 girls lined up. so we went back to our hotel and got in line for the friday night show at 8:45pm on THURSDAY night. it turned out that those two girls go there so early vecause they had never done this before and had no clue waht to expect. they were cool. after the show i got a picture with Danielle Lee Greaves aka Joanne. it was hilaroius. my voice kept on cracking. so i go up to her and was like hi can i have a picture with.... but then i realized i couldn't talk in my normal voice so i dropped my voice down 3 octaves and said can i have a picture with you. the look on her face was classic. then she dropped her voice down the octave and was like sure. oy all i could do for not laughing. there is so much background on why all of that was funny but i'm not getting into that here :-) then maggie came out don't remember to omuch about that...except that she bitched about being under 21 :) then i saw trish come out but she looked like she was leaving so i had to go to the other side of the stage door area and talk to her. and she brought up thefact that we should go out *before* the show opposed to after cause she doesn't want to have to go home to Cambridge late by herself. we decided on 6pm on friday at the theatre and that we'd go to starbucks or something close by to just sit and chat. i was also not allowed to touch trish because she was afraid of contaminating me with her cold...but now i wonder if maybe she had *my* cold (hehe). so after all that was done we were back off to line to have an interesting night. first lynda decided she would sleep out as well so she went home to get her shit and came back with an entire supermarket worth of food. in the meantime cow and i played a crazy ass epic round of *the game* by about 2am or something i was asleep. oh yeah many cool people in line. we all had a blast.

*Friday the 16th*
woke up at 8:30ish and got out of my sleeping bag around 9:30ish to go back to the hotel for continental breakfast. so i did that and spent the rest of the day in line. it was great. we played many many rounds of cards. the line went by soooooo fast. we acquired a masturbation tool from mcdonald's that got a lot of use ;-) yeah for glen who i think should be our official line mascott. at some point in the day Trish came to the line to tell me that we should meet at 6:30 instead of 6. ohhh and early in the day press got lisa and i presents which was nice of her. i got my glitter stick from bath and body works. my memories of this day soooo aren't in order. i ate pizza and was popping ricola ALL day. theere about 15 biker guys that went to the restaurant next door and they were SOOOOO loud. oy vey :) so we got the vouchers for our tickets at 6pm then lisa,lynda and i RAN to the hotel so that lynda could drop her stuff off at our hotel and so that lisa and i could get ready and meet trish in 30 minutes AND get dressed for the show. we managed to do that very well. we got to the theare at like 6:25 which gave me time to work out the mess with my tickets. so we are waiting for trish in front of the theatre..and no trish. its like 6:37 and no trish. so cow goes to the stage door and low and behold there is trish. but we couldn't go just yet because trish decided to invite maggie to come along. maggie took forever so finally trish was like lets just go and get a table. we got there and trish ordered a table for 5 and of course i was beyond confused beacuse trish, maggie, cow and me makese 4. well FINALLY maggie shows up with a boy in tow. it turned out to be *Colby* who was very nice. so we ordered food and talked about *stuff* it was amusing and maggie is such a freak but a good freak... or was it that she's the original nut? it was fun... a surprise but fun. OMG here is somethign to tell. so trish and i are both sick. and i was telling her how i've been popping ricola like its going out of style. so she's like a just bought some vitamin C toady i'll give you some. so i was like cool. then at dinner she was like oh here. and she hands me these two HUGE pills. so i look at them and am like *are these chewable???* and she's like no. oy vey. i do NOT swallow pills well at all. so i was like i'l bite them in half and swallow. so of course she's watching me so i was like i can't do it if you watch. so i turned around and took care of it. it was one of those moments when i just wanted to burst out laughing. then after dinner we walked them to the stage door and stuff and then we picked up the tickets. THE SHOW ROCKED. it was so so so much better than Grand Rapids. i liked julia and christian soooo much more. same with everyone. espcially after just seeing the NYC cast that has zero energy the benny cast was a welcome change. highlights include: christina randomly grabbing his crotch in *you'll see*, Julia whipping the stash at Matt Caplan's crotch before *without you*, julia's head almost falling off during LVB, Glen making appearances during the show, maggie spanking tricia during LVB...i'm sure there are others. but i was just very happy with the show :) after the show was the same as always we spoke to maggie and trish. trish mentioned that she might not do the show the next day but that she wasn't 100% sure. then it was off to the hotel to get our shit so we could get in line once again. it was a crazy and LOUD night. soooo many people on the street. and this guy andre came and was talking to everyone in line it was crazy. but i managed to sleep.

*Saturday the 17th*
wow this sure is the epic journal entry from hell. if you make it thru i will love you forever :-) so saturday... not too different from friday except that it was REALLY REALLY hot. we played cards for the balance of the day. JENNPEASE came. woohoo. we did illegal line moves for her and it all worked out. jennpease rocks. hmmmm..we played with glen a lot. i made friends with the doormen at the Tremont. had more pizza from Dominick's. we spent a lot of time making fun of linda and her accent because bostonians don't say the letter R. but we love you anyway :) at some point i called my mom and she told me about the whole JFK jr. thing which sucks ass cause he is one of my obsessions. one day i'll list all my obsessions for you guys :) it was really freaky cause one of the clues on wheel of fortune on thursday had been about Hyannis Port and the Kennedy's. Jennpease mentioned the Kennedy's in her journal on thursday AND i was IN boston when it happened. freaky shit. but lets not talk about that anymore. lisa cow was holding for press and i was holding for hr mom. but it turned out her mom didn't want to see the show. so i suggested the idea that we ask maggie if colby wanted to see the show. so cow wrote a note (eventho it was *MY* idea :-)) and we left it backstage. since colby wasn't there maggie figured he would want to see it but when she did find him he didn't want to see it so there was an extra ticket. dom was on as mimi for the mat which i didn't see. la la la we got our tickets went to the hotel and showered and packed and watched tv for news about the JFK jr. thing and it was off to the show. PMS was on as mark.he was kind of blah. i didn't really notice him that much. trish wasn't on. the chic who played alexi was sandra..but according to me her name is simply *not trish*. but whatever :) at intermission i decided i needed a coke so we went to 7 eleven and i bought a bottle of coke and a box of cookies for the wee little pig in me :) the second act was the second act...nothing too special. i got sooooo captivated by HOrace's *reprise* that i almost forgot to flip my tapes it was really an odd moment. i was pretending that i had never seen the show before so i wanted to get the most out of it. and i just got so involved in the show. it was really really weird. rent is such a good show. then after the show the only person i had to talk to was maggie, BUT i did get a picture with the hoarse horse aka Julia. OMG during OTM i was mooing and then i looked out of the corner of my eye and i saw maggie mooing. I WAS HYSTERICAL. she was going CRAZY.she moos very creatively :-) so after the show she said *well cristina says to moo like you've never mooed before, and i mean that just leads to endless possibilities* then she proceeded in showing us different ways to moo. la la la we said bye, but not really bye cause she says that we always say goodbye and we end up popping up somewhere else...which i suppose is true but one of those times really *does* have to be good bye n'est pas? so that was the adventure that was boston.

now i'm back home finally. happy to be home. glad i had an amazing crack filled time. and if you finished reading this entry i'm very proud of you :)


tonya :)


July 8, 1999 (4:57pm)

there is a reason why i haven't updated in a while. first of all on tuesday night i wrote quite the kick ass entry but la la al my sister made me get off the net and then my computer froze so my masterpiece of a journal vanished into the depths of my computer. i'm sorry.

okay so what have you all missed...hmmmmi just called laura sexy pants on IM. she responded by saying hi hotstuff. and for the record laura you don't have sexy pants :) oy now i'm being yelled at by Hannah AND Alice for not updating. i feel oh so loved:)

okay, so my life. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MY TURTLE. woohoo she turned sweet 17. happy turtle related dreams :)

i joined the jennifer lopez internet mailing list that is run by Sony. i love that song so much. it makes me get up and shake my boo-tay. now everyone just stop and picture me shaking my boo-tay...yeah but ummmm don't picture it too much cause then it just borders on dirty dirty pornography. you down with OPP?? yeah you know me. do you all rememvber that song? its randomly in my head. today my day was spent packing my knapsack for a certain trip, making my mix tape by stealing songs of 92, and making bagels with melted cheese. ohhhhh i'm reading this AMAZING book *the divine secrets of the yaya sisterhood*. its so touching. its basically about mother/daughter relationships, and girls and their bestfriends. i KNOW it sounds sappy but it SOOOO isn't. its moving in a way it makes you feel for the characters. and when i book makes you feel for the characters than thats oen hell of a book. my 92 mix is quite the tape. it has jennifer, my husband aka ricky martin, backstreet boys, venga boys, len, chantal kreviazux, MADONNA aka the ORIGINAL queen of all things. OMG OMG OMG i REALLY want a Madonna tshirt. all of a sudden. i think i *need* one to dance in. i will have to splurge and get one when i come back. i've benn changing around my dance uniform. now i've introduced navy modrobes into circulation instead ofjust my kahaki ones. and they are stylishly rolled up into capris because of the godawful heat that starts up after dancing. so taht is my story.

hmmmm. yeah so i think i'm coming to terms with my music listening. i think i actually *gulp* like the backstreet boys. leesa kwong do NOT say a word. i wait for their song to come on the radio, i have their cd backstreet's back courtesy of BMG. they just make me happy. their songs are so *Sweet* and innocent and not full of any real substance. they are just fun to listen to. same with Britany Spears. fun stuff. not *quality* stuff but fun. maybe i should define my idea of quality. sarah mclachlan is quality, madonna is quality...hmmm....missy elliot is you get the idea. and now i'm babbling so lets just stop that now.

so today i met with my mom in the afternoon so that we could by some Tevas. our mission was filled successfully and i got some nice sandals. i love me some sandals. sandals are fun sandals are fun. i'm talking to laura right now. i'm learning all about the trials and tribulations of working at Fairview. oh the joys oh the joys.

i have of course been babysitting out the wazoo. its been craziness. i'm way too amused by the kids these days. we have been having a lot of fun. not really donig anything in particular, but just hanging around and swimming in their mini pool. andnow christine is taking french lessons so we have been working on her french together. the other day i had to pick her up from her french program at jonh fisher and we went to the pet store after. i swear she tought i was g*d. she was so happy that i took her to the pet store. it was muy cute. and laura is my little baby. we just sit on the couch and pretend toeat eachothers feet. and she says my name which is amuing me way to much. i make her say my name and give me a hug every 15 minutes. and the ladyt hasn't started paying me more money :( that saddens me.

i have to rush this caus ei have to go babysitting muy soon. tomorrow is going to be such a busy day. i have to go to lisa's moms work to drop stuff off at 10am. then i have to go to the hairdressers for 11am. then at some point i have to go to my fathers place and pick up some more money for boston and then go to the bank and convert it. then i'm meeting lisa and her bro ian to go candyshopping. then its off to randolph to have one last class before i have a week of schlepping.. i mean i *need* my siona fix. then with my suitcase i'm making my way up to FINCH *shudder* station to meet ma petite laura so we can chill before i'm off. THEN she is driving me to cow's to sleep and then its off off and away i go. crack n'est pas?

okay i'm off now to go babysitting. i will try to update before i leave and i will make the bestests efforts to find a cyber cafe to update and e=mail all you skanks out there. maybe i'll bring a little notebook along so that i don't forget waht to write when i come back.



P.s. dancing was fun stuff on tuesday. max's little itten aka katarina (thank god he has no time to be on the net) grabbed his ass and said *hi superstar boy*. now that was amusing*


July 5, 1999

i think tonight's journal will go out to my Bananamute aka Hannah because everynight without fail she comes and asks me if i have updated yet. fuck i can't use my one key or my tab key OR my squiggly line key. this is very distreessing cause it means no exclamation marks :(

right now i'm waiting for my jennifer lopez wave to load. i found her website now i'm playing cause i love that song. i hope its almost done cause i need my jennifer fix for the day. she is *so* the flyest of the fly girls. i mean her singing voice kind of sucks shit but its such a fun song to dance around to. and now my Lea (lee not Le-ah) has added it to her pre-class listening enjoyment so i'm in heaven and a half. FUCK its not even the full song its just the intro. this is shitty. i'm mad. i am not a happy flyest fly girl lover anymore. myabe if i try realaudio. right now its loadying. if you had my love and i gave you all my trust would you comfort me? and if somehow you knew that your love would be untrue would you lie to me and call me baby? if i give you me this is how its got to be. first of all i won't take you cheating on meeeee... that is all i have i'm saddened. and i'm listening to it over and over again. this is frustrating. now i think audio froze on me..what is a girl to do and ctrl alt del isn't working ack and i really wanted to express myself with an exclamation but i can't ack i wanted to again... maybe instead of exclamation i will write *. oh now jennifer has asked me if i want to see the video** i say homegirl. hmmmm i wonder if my husband aka ricky martin has a site... iw ill go find it.

hey hannah just asked if i updated** without fail i tell you without fail*

today i picked up my check from doing telemarketing for 3.5 hours. it was $27.29* i was happy. very happy. i need a JOB tho. anyone out there know of ANY jobs i can do??? i will do almost anything...well except for prostitution and drug dealing or anything odd... no strip clubs or naked modelling...nothing dirty diry* and i'm not joking i really do need a job* my mom is getting sick of me being on the anyone out there who's parents need some capable to work at their office doing office stuff i'm out here*

i also babysat today...what a surprise. it was fun tho. only one kid the five year old. we played in their mini pool and we made charts of english and french colours and numbers. she started this french immersion introduction program for the summer so she is all keen on learning french. its muy amusing. i'm babysitting tomorrow from 8am until 2. she wanted me to go back in the evening at 5:45 but i want my Lea fix so i'm not gonig eventho money would be a good thing.

hannah and i are now discussing baby names. among my favourites are...keisha, madison, leah, athena, melanie, stacy, chloe, adrienne, parker and chelsea. i dunno why i'm telling you this. and i like most boys names... all those plan jane ones like mark, scott, simon...plain ass things like that.

oy its hot hot hot.

i should go to bed. i have to wake up early. not really early just at 7 but i haven't done that in a while because i have been sleeping in cause i'm up way to late talking on the phone with a certain peehead ;)

i'm off**


tonya :)


July 4, 1999

happy independence day all you americans out there! have with your fireworks and all that jazz ;)

well i seemed to have caused quite the ruckus with my journal entry on *drugs*. it sure feels like evryone and their dogs are talking about. i can say that for myself i have had maybe 3 or 4 looooong talks about it. and frankly i'm *sick* of the whole issue! pot this pot that. everywhere its pot pot! but its cool to be the one to start a forum for people to discuss ideas and stuff. i can't think of anything that has spawned so much talk recently. and believe me there is *so* much more that i can say based on conversations that i have had with people...but i won't simply because i'm sick of talking about it!

sooooo in other news... where did i leave off yesterday...i think i was on my way to shopping. so i did go shopping and i ended up with some jockey underwear and sunglasses. it is such a bitch buying ass is too small :) no seriously..i have always worn kids underwear. but now my mom refuses to by it so i have to take the smallest adult size which is 4. but you think the Bay has a ton of size 4?? they don't! so we spent like an hour trying to find some. we even went down to eaton centre. and i did get some! then today we went to Yorkdale to see if we could find some more...but they didn't have any so my mom let me go to the kids section and pick some out :) and there is my underwear shoping story!

its funny i have absolutely nothing to say today. isn't that sad! well i went dancing today. mental note don't go dancing when its 33 degrees outside! i was sweating before we even started dancing. so by the end of class i was dripping with was yuki cause i *hate* to sweat. i have a dancing buddy! her name is Beth..she's old..maybe like 30 but now i have someone to talk to sometimes besides Max :) so after class i was exhausted and couldn't move. i litterally was lying on the floor for like 20 minutes trying to cool off. siona kept on laughing at me :( oh yeah.. max what up with this?
Siona: hey where's max?
Me: max??
Siona: yeah..max.
Me: he doesn't normally come to your class on sunday silly! but he's probably in hiphop.
Siona: oh okay cool i'll go check it out...besides Kat's (aka Katarina max's little love slave) is teaching.
but she didn't end up going to go stick her head in the door. isn't that odd? the conclusion is either siona wants to stalk max (i guess that would be a whole other story all together) OR she sees us *way* to much at Randolph together and think we are joined at the hip! oh and today was hilarious! i was talking to Siona soooo much because i was resting after her class and not only was i *darling* and *baby* BUT i was also *sweetie*. go me! she used 3 different names on me today :) and i had the perfect opportunity to tell her my name but i didn't :( my goal before boston is to tell siona my name :) and LAURA YOU HAVE TO COME DANCING WITH ME!!!!!

okay. now i'm here. writing my entry. with nothing to say. hmm let me be reflective. today i picked up the phone to call this girl that i used to absolutely *hate* and find completely annoying, but now i've realized what i good friend she is. i mean she is a genuinely good friend. she's always willing to hang out and go on stupid missions or just sit around and schlep. and its weird because i didn't really notice that until maybe may or june, eventho i've known her since grade 7. i've been doing a lot of that lately...getting to know people i've had issues with better. like right now i can think of about 4 people that i know that i didn't always used to be very fond of that i can now realize that they are descent people. and now i'm getting big on being friends with <> school people :) i mean i've always been friends with elvira but this year we drifited cause of RENT (for me) and boyfriends (for her)...but this summer we are both really big on just hanging out and talking. its going to be a good year i tell you :)

i love Shania Twain! i got her latest cd...and eventho i only listen to the songs that are on the radion i *love* them! i have her second cd and i'm obsessed with that song any man of mine. it makes me laugh hysterically. OMG OMG i figured out my theme song the other day after MANY months of contemplation...but guess what? i forgot it! i'm such a looser! and it was really good too. maybe elvira will remember because i had my epiphany when i was on the phone with her. and i'm obsessed with the Venga Boys too. you know..BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM i want you in my room lets spend the night together from now until forever. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM i want a double boom... somethhing something something somehting something something. they rock my world. i have to go out and buy some cd's t here are SO many that i want! i want the new Missy Elliot cd (i love that chic!), Ricky Martin ( i mean he *is* my husband after all!), The Austin Powers soundtrack (for that madonna song and the lenny kravitz song so that i can do Siona's combo that is *all about sex* anytime i want :)), and i kind of sort of want the new Backstreet Boys cd (stop shuddering ALL OF YOU!) and i want YAGMCB and Fosse.. and oy vey i have no money for ANY of this!

Boston is soon Boston is soon. hi ho the derry-o Boston is soon! that is my song :)

webought a toaster today. we haven't had a toaster since i was like 6. its a monumental day for me. i'm trying to contain myself and refrain from making toast every 5 minutes.

i need a job. maybe i'll put out applications. a lot of places in Yorkdale are hiring i noticed. maybe i'll go on an adventure there this week or the week after i come back. we'll see.

okay i'm off so that i won't bore you to tears :)

love ya!

tonya ;)


July 3, 1999

hello all you crazy cats :) well today was quite the uneventful day. i woke up and had a voice message from the people that i babysit for asking me if i could come over for 9:30am. so i walked all the way over there because when i was like 5 blocks away from my house i realized that i didn't have my metropass and was way too lazy to go back and get it. but on the plus side i went to mcdonalds and had 2 hash browns and apple juice :) the apple juice at McDonald's is *the* best apple juice i have ever had. i wish i could just have it *all* the time! la la la then i babysat..usual stuff we just went to the park. then when i was leaving i called my mom and we decided to meet at St. Clair and Dufferin so that i could go to the bank!

i feel like having a new paragraph :) soo i went to the bank to convert my canadian money into american money for NYC and BOSTON which is in less than a WEEK! but the line was too long so fuckt that. but my mom had a of those mail cards from the post office! so i scurried across the street to pick up my package and it was my BMG cds! woohoo! i have been having a lot of fun with them.b ut i'm very disappointed that that Whitney Houston song (the one with the note) isn't the version we hear on the radio its this slow ass version :( but i'm still having fun. ohhhhhh i also got my report card! i thought i would have done soooooo badly but i didn't! i was pleasently surprised. i didn't do nearly as well as i normally personal average dropped 6% from last year i believe..but still i did okay. my overall average is 82% and my lowest mark and my only mark inthe 70s was my 73 in math..everything else was over 81% so it all works out :) then i went interesting stories there except that we did the sex dance and that siona is starting her dance company on sunday :)

so that was my day. so i read lauren's journal everyday and let me just say it never ceases to amuse me. espcially recently with her whole *pot obsession*. see i don't give a flying fuck if people smoke up, sure i think its bad and stuff but i don't care if people do as long as they don't do it around me. i actually love to hear people's stories about how much of a dumbass they acted like when they were high or whatever. but its the way people act about *doing* it and their reasons for doing it. i think its funny that people are *proud* of smoking up. its funny how some people are proud that they do do drugs while others are struggling to stop and are proud when they stay clean for a while. people who boast...well boast probably isn't the right word...but people who think or act like they are sooo cool for doing it are so *not* cool...well in my opinion anyway. seriously what is there to be proud of? that is the point i'm still struggling with. i don't see any benefits to doing pot... lauren what are the benefits anyway? thats another reason why i don't drink and smoke and all the stuff...i don't understand why people want to harm their bodies! smoking for example..its been proven that smoking is BAD for you B-A-D yet people still do it..yes its addictive..but why start in the first place? oh yeah back to drugs...people's reasons for doing it...i can understand people who do it because their friends do. i don't agree with it but i can understand. some people just don't have identities of their own (or very little identity) and decided to make their identity a collage of everyone else...which is why people tend to smoke when they are with certain people, drink when they are around certain people and so on and so on. its ridiculous..but what ever. and if you think you are being independent for doing it..i also think that that sounds bullshittish. i think as soon as you start publicizing the fact that you do do it then that in a way takes away their individuality because it makes them look like they are out to get a reaction. hmmm let me read this and see if this all i had to say...oh yeah. that is why if i know people are going out with the intention of drinking alot i won't go..if i'm at a party and people start to smoke up i will leave and if people are smoking around me i'll go somewhere else. i just think it makes things such a bad environment. i'm really big on the idea of positive and negative energy and stuff... and i personally try to surround my self with positive energy instead of energy...which also contributes to the fact that i can see *a little bit of good in everyone*. i mean why focus on negative shit and get yourself involved in negative shit...which i think will bring you down..when you can open the doors and let positive energy. plus i start loosing soooooo much respect for people who do bad shit. i may not *show* it but i'm thinking it. i'm sorry i judge people. we are all allowed to judge people. i mean its our life and we are allowed to choose the people that we want to bring in closer and those that we want to distance. and over time i distance those who i think have too much negative energy for me and surround myself with people that are positive and that have their heads screwed on. soooo those are my thoughts on the situation.

wow that took forever to type! i'm on my way now :) shopping with my mom :)


tonya :)


July 1, 1999

HAPPY CANADA DAY EVERYONE!!!!!!! if i actually remembered how to do html then i would have put that chunk of text in red...but i don't so i won't :)

ohhhhh so max has another rebuttle for my journal here is is:

Dear Ton, Well this time you've really done it. You've actually managed to solve all relationship problems with the use of... a robot! Now why didn't I think of that? lol Ok so humm, your inconsiderate, frosty-ass sister made you wait for the bathroom when you really had to go... what a surprise!(sorry can you tell I'm in a bad mood?!) Oh and about that "I'm looking very hot at the moment" thing, did Phi and I not tell you how stylin' you were lookin' on Tuesday? good job girl!, hey 'cause when you look good, you feel good, right? ok so that's enough pointless blabbering for one night, so I'll just wish you a happy Canada day and say goodnight. bye now Max :)

so that is that. its funny those amuse. don't you all just *hear* max saying all that..its frightening!

okay today was the big ass lets relive canada day anniversary or whatever we call it. it was me, lauren (who i haven't seen in FOREVER and now that i haven't seen her in FOREVER she is turning into a mini-wannabe-badass!), alice, press, lara, lindsay, laura and cow! quite the bunch of people!the plan was to go to Queens Park and then to A Dream in High Park or whatever its called. but due to rain we opted to watch the Blue Jays game and go to shopseys and then have ice cream!

soooo we got seats in the 500 level for the game. it was jays vs. orioles. jays won!! go jays go! food at the Dome is WAAAAAAAAAAAY too expensive! i was sickened by the prices! at one point i went to the bathrrom with laura and lauren (big surprise..laura..bathroom?... NEVER!) and guess what..LAURA fELL IN!!! not only did she fall in but we had to call security to get her out..mail security! it was HILARIOUS so we were gone from our seats for like an hour. when we returned press and alice did not believe us! that was the funniest part of it all!

so after that we went to the concourse where we sat for like 45 minutes trying to decide what to do! at first someone suggested shopsey's but we all said no..but 45 minutes later we all ended up at shopsey's! go figure! i got my standard latkes..BUT i also got GARLIC BREAD! quite the combonation on my part ;) then after that somehow we ended up at Yonge and Eglinton to have ice cream. laura had her first ice cream cone! it wasn't even ice was sorbet or ice or something :)

now i'm at home sitting waiting for Katerin to come online so that i can hear about her benny tour adventures over the past two days! i love her stories..its sick isn't it ;) but lauren and i had an interesting talk about RENT today.... actually i think we had many interesting talks about rent today..none of which i can remember!

wow this is a rather boring journal today. OMG you knwo that i think EVERYONE today mentioned penises to me! i don't mean like random people off the streeet but like people i was with! i mean i write a few enteries about penises and my thoughts and feeelins and now i'm the girl who is obsessed with penises! now this is distressing! i don't want to be penisgirl! ack...imagine thru my whole life being penis girl...that would be so weird! ROTFLMAO ROTFLMAO ROTFLMAO. sorry random thought. i jsut pictured myself in a restaurant ordering penis soup and penis pasta and penis spring rolls and penis subs! oy i'm laughing too hard! i'll stop now...

i'm listening to les miz. i love that show. its just so beautiful and triumphant! i'm listening to i dreamed a dream. quite possibly one of the saddest songs ever written! i think i will find it and paste it :):


There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

come on how sad is that song. its like everything she has looked forward to in life has just been crushed all the way thru. but she has been dreaming throughout her whole life...but eventhough things have gone so bad she still holds on to her dreams eventhough she is realizing that they won't come true. ack. i just think that is so sad. i could talk about this song forever..but i won't! i think i'm all of a sudden obsessed with being happy. i think that is what it is.. i'm sick of being 16 and in high school. i want to be 26 and getting married and working my way up the corporate ladder (not by marriage..thru working)... i'm just bored of being where i'm at now. that is what it is..i need some excitement.. i'm looking for some hot stuff baby this evening! i'm not really i'm just singing ;)

okay i'm off now...


love and light :)

tonya :)


June 30, 1999

hello all you blokes! well today i saw Notting Hill...well actually this evening... went to SilverCity. we didn't plan on going to SilverCity but it just happened. and i didn't see you Lauren, i checked Guest Services and no lauren. i think i will work thru my day backwards.

so now i'm back from the movie and my sister is in the bathroom and i have to pee like a racehorse. i didn't even drink that much...just one small pepsi and that was all..but now it feels like my bladder is going to EXPLODE all over this chair! i hope she hurries up...and all i can hear is the sound of water running and its making me want to piss even more! oh the joy of it all.

soooo on my way home from the movie i saw these two kids who i went to elementary school with... Michael and Laura Difilice. laura looked *exactly* the way i remembered her...its funny how girls don't change *at all* after a certain age! but michael...oy vey... michael looked *very* different. michael difilice was the kid in school that was a complete clown. he was beyond goofy. but not dumbass too weird goofy..just a hilarious kid. and he looked kind of kid goofyish. but now he has been transformed. i was in shock! and its odd when i went out with Rachael the other day she had mentioned that he had gotten hot (she goes to school with him) and i was like no way in hell did he get hot... he's michael difilice! well im very wrong..he got *very* hot... so now i have to write her a letter at camp and tell her that :)

before all that i saw Notting Hill. okay first of all everyone should know that i'm an absolute *sucker* for romantic comedies. they never ever cease to entertain me. i *do* realize that its a terrible genre of film because all the movies start out the same and end the same.. but there is that bit in the middle that is always different. so with that in mind i saw NOtting Hill. it was very charming. it starred Hugh Grant and Julia come on how cute of a pair is thtat for a romantic comedy?? i don't feel like going into all the plot details..but she is a big time actress and he is a regular bloke from london...they fall in love and there are about a million different things that happen to keep them apart. i enjoyed could have just been me, it wasn't an amazing movie but it kept me satisfied.

oy my sister just got out and i had the most amazing piss! you know when you have to pee for sooooo long and then when you finally do it just feels so great to have release yourself? well i just went thru that andi feel great! and then i washed my hands with *the* hottest water imaginable. i think i just may have burn marks on my fingers. i look so absolutely amazing tonight for some reason. maybe its because i just washed my face...but pardon my conceitedness..but i'm looking very hot at the moment... maybe i should turn my journal into an outlet for porn :)

sooooo back to something else... yes romantic comedies! they are just so sweet! i was thinking about Jerry Maguire the other day since they mentioned it in Austin Powers..and that movie had some of the sweetest lines. like when jerry goes to apologize to renee zellweger and he's fully just ranting and she is standing there listening...and then she's like *you had me at hello* oy! i love that..its so classy. mental note to use that. or when jerry says to renee zellweger *you complete me* hello how many of you wanted to marry tom cruise right at that moment! i think what i need is a robot. okay stay with me on this one folks...not just any robot a robot that looks like a man. but not just any man a preprogrammed one! it has to like the same things i like... and get this... its programmed with the best lines from romantic comedies to be spewed out in the proper situations. annnnd the added bonus it has a pretty looking *whats it!* (the new word for penis). okay so max mentioned the other day that he always has thoughts while he is reading my journal (not *those* kind of thoughts) sooooo he e-mailed me this tidbit to put in as his response to my journal:

Dear Ton, I can understand your new found obsession with sex... it's the heat! it's the same thing with lea and siona (and scary jen..who's coughgettin'somecough) sex sex sex. eh, what can you do? ok next the penis obsession, I think you're just in shock from seeing one for the first time (either that or you're sick in the head... well probably it's both), don't worry about it. Besides, it's like you said in your journal, you never actually have to see IT. ok so this concludes my very first "Bitch and Moan" response, I hope it's helped you make sense of things, and helps your readers... well amuses them. bye now, Max :)

so that was that :)

oy what was i talking about i'm distracted i'm talking to 4 people on line! and i'm checking my mail...oy i think this is ending right now!


tonya :)


June 29, 1999

i got a lot of *feedback* about my last night's journal entry. but now i've been provided with some new information on the subject courtesy of an *expert* in the field... max! so his advice is too find a picture of one that is hard because they look better hard... so hannah do you want to hook me up? so there is the first long as its hard its all good...and i suppose that any contact made with one would be with a hard that solves the problem. and also during *intercourse* (i used a sex-ed word) you don't have to *see* it because...well you know...its *inside* so i guess all the problems are solved. so when i'm married no worries for any of you guys.. i will be enjoying a very happy bedroom life with my reserved penis :) and that is that!

soooooo penises aside...what else is up...ROTFLMAO! i'm cracking my self up! excuse all my puns! oy i'm a comedic genius! sooooo today i went to the hairdresser from 11 until 3:30! how much of a pain was that?? i was SOOOOOO bored! its cause i had a touch up AND a treatment so it took forever...but now my hair looks great and i'm dressed like a sex goddess looking for a penis. OY i'm so joking! i'm *not* i repeat *not* looking for one! iy what was i talking about..yeah hair! so then i forgot my wallet at home and oculdn't pay for my hair but then i felt bad and went down on my way to dance.

yes so i went dancing. as always quite the adventure. LEA PLAYED JENNIFER LOPEZ! that made my week...jennifer *the flyest fly girl* Lopez over and over again! lea uses my name i swear every ten minutes. like when we go across the floor she is always like way to go TONYA or nice job TONYA or where are you spotting TONYA! its very funny...she's trying to wear it out. today i saw siona... i said hi and she said *hi sweetie* and then as max and i were leaving she said *bye sweeties* i KNOW she knows max's name but she couldn't be like bye max and that other girll... that would have been rude. but since the last sunday plan dind't work i've concoted another scheme for friday. maybe then we will uncover the truth.

the other day in hannah's journal she was talking baout how she doesn't share everything in her journal... i know exactly what you mean! there is so much more stuff that i could put in here but i don't see my self sharing that much information...its just bringing people in too close. but it would be fun to write...i think if i had a journal that was for a completely different set of people..people who i don't know and whose opinions don't matter..then i would. oy i'm stopping im tired!

talk to you peeps latah :)

tonya :)


June 28, 1999

well i believe yesterday i mentioned that i had *never* in my life seen a penis..neither real nor a picture. so my ever wonderful Bananamute aka hannah took it upon herself to find me one. can i just say that i'm very disappointed. i was expecting so much more (not in size or anything)... but i'm sorry penises are ugly! i was expecting something *pretty* well not pretty but just not as ugly as the one i saw. this has scarred me! like how could you want to touch it man! ewwwww and then give it a blow job! now that is beyond me! i cant understand how you would want to shove that thing in your mouth... and then it squirts in your mouth like a water gun...but not with water but with gunk! ewwww and how do you swallow it... ugh this is grossing me out! hehe am i making you all hot and bothered? i hope i'm not scarred from sex... hannah if you scarred me from sex i'm filing a lawsuit! i mean you can't *not* have sex! that is just wrong! sure i'm waiting until i'm married...but i'm sure once i'm married i'll have my fill of it... but if the penis is that ugly how can i!?! maybe my attitude about penises will has to! i mean i've *never* had lesbian tendencies and as scarring as the whole penis situation is i'm not being turned on by chicas. ugh! this is distressing. i don't know if the one i was looking at is circumsized or not... what exactly do they cut off? oy now i have many questions! if there are any penis experts please contact me!

so all that aside :) i saw Austin Powers: the spy who shagged me! oy vey i peed throughtout that entire movie.i was honestly in PAIN when i came out..i just thought it was that funny. siona (sho-na NOT see-oh-na!) told me to go see it cause its hilarious... and she was very berry right. its all about sex and bathroom humour.. and i'm sorry i'm way to amused by toilet jokes! i want soooo many of Heather graham's outfits! like the first outfit she is wearing.. the blue valour gogo boots with matching tiny shorts and shirt...that outfit was off the hook! but honestly i think everyone has to see this movie...i remeber not liking the first one so i went into this with like zero expectation and i'm happy! so go see it and you will be happy. i saw it at the new Silvercity YOrkdale.. the sound was too loud and the theatre was freezing! lauren fix that! :)

okay on to my next rambling...ummmmm yeah... maybe there are no more ramblings maybe i'm rambled out. i think i will go now :)


tonya :)


June 27, 1999

hey hey hey! where to start oh where to start? i think i'lll start with today and work backwards :)

sooooo today was Gay Pride day. so after dance class my mom and i wandered the streets until 3pm so that we could see the parade as we do every year. it was SOOOOO much fun! i saw so many people that i know *in* the parade! Ryan aka Divastar was in it. And does anyone remember that little girl...i think she was about 5 named Brittany (i think) whose mother is a lesbian and took her to see RENT like 3 or 4 times??? well the little kid was in it! she was on the famous players float. and then i saw my friend from grade 7 and 8 and she was dancing on a float. it was very very good. lots of gay men in g-strings and certain points... but no penises did i see! ya know i still haven't see i penis...i think i was having this discussion with someone yesterday..but my record is still clear!

but i had a lot of fun. they played so much fun music...including such classics as *holiday* and *YMCA*. muchmusic had a float and recognized some people on it... that asian chic.. it hink her name might be Sook Yin Lee or something.. well she was on it. ohhhhh i met sooo many gay men today. i was on my way to dance and they just kept on stopping and talking to me. it was odd but so much fun. there was this group of guys from NYC that were just so much fun. so that was that.

i of course went dancing today... and i got to go to the 3rd Floor! my dance classes are on the 4th floor...but then there is this whole 3rd floor where Randolph the big prestigous school is. abbas let me go down there because the 4th floor toilets were over flowing. it was very nice... carpeted...wood was quite enjoyable. class was fun as usual. siona was on siona crack as always and she found another word for our now she calls it the *core*. we did the dance thats all about sex. had a nice talk with siona after class about movies... and btw today i was *darling* augh! max we have to carry out the mission!! tomorrow when you go to class ask siona if i was there that :)

okay soooooo last night was dani's last night in TO before camp :( so first i went with her and laura to have sushi because we have been trying to go have sushi for no less than 2 months probably and it just DOESN'T happen! and besides laura had never been to a real sushi restaurant before. so we did that and we ordered soooo mcuh food. we just kept on asking the waiter for more food. but it was muy yummy :) then it was off to acme to meet people! lets see who was there: nat, me, dani, laura, alice, press, evette, elizabeth, cow, jill, danielle and max..i *think* that is all..oh yeah and renee and jamie verk stopped by as well. it was cool...we went to the devil... i had dessert, this pecan thing and it was really really yummy! then we went home. in between that i went to the Wales with dani and laura and dani faked a knee injury in front of Camilla Scott, but bitch didn't even stop and see if she was okay!

but now dani is gone, which is very berry sad :( but she will be back..but its still not fun that she is gone :(

i of course babysat yesterday morning...but there aren't any fun stories surrounding that so i will shut up now :)

Boston is soooo fucking *pardon my french* soon! less than 2 weeks. the time FLEW by! it went from me saying that no way in hell am i going to me starting to get all my stuff together to go! i'm so excited about seeing DAME JUDI DENCH! and of course Forbidden Broadway....and that show...ummmm rent i think its called. let me once again profess my *hate* for the NYC cast...but from what i hear Krysten is warming them hopefully they will have some semblance of having..gasp *FUN* onstage! (me bitter about seeing RENT in nyc again...NEVER!) Then of course there is boston which have heard is an AMAZING city PLUS they have no tax on clothes! and they have lots of great emery will be there! then there is *rent* which is still not as great as it was here but at least they have fun onstage! and i'm so excited about rushing again! it just makes the whole experience more legit :)

okay on that happy note i must go!

ciao and happy happy pride day!

tonya :)


June 25, 1999

okay i'm tricking you all its actually 12:16am on saturday..but i'm really updating for today so lets all pretend all right :)

soooo my career as a telemarketer is over. i decided that i hate it way too much to bear with it for another day. so that is that. it was just really really boring. i didn't like the people that work there. the office was cold and you get a half hour mandatory break that you don't get paid for! plus my throat was all dry eventho i was drinking water.. it was just not fun. i wasn't too miserable today... but i could see myself wanting to kill someone if i stayed a week. so that is that!

i babysat tonight from 5:45 until 11:45. they didn't tell me i would be there that long. i was practically falling asleep. i watched 2 episodes of mad about you... unsolved mysteries...seinfelf...two episodes of simpsons... and a basketball game. too much tv!

soooooo i tink i'm getting a raise. the lady whose kids i babysit for, Jan, said that she feels bad paying me the same thing she's been paying me since i started. i was just like gee whiz ya think? right now i make $5+ an hour she usually rounds up. but i'm happy. and now they want me to come a few days in the week so they can play golf in the morning... so that usually works out to like $30...hopefully i will make money this summer.

LAURA LAURA LAURA is the apple of my eye. she makes the ground shake and the earth quake. LAURA LAURA LAURA!

okay i'm being harassed to put mymjournal up now. so i think i will cause i'm dry tonight and don't have anything to say with out saying something wrong.. so i'll go :)


tonya aka miss bad ass :)

P.s. expect a great entry tomorrow for my dani-sam is leaving :(


June 24, 1999

well woofuckinghoo (excuse my language) school's out for the summer! i'm so very berry happy! you cannot begin to understand. this was *so* the year from hell. all my marks were just *eh* not great as normal. i wasn't very fond of my teachers... and its grade 11 the middle year that doesnt' really matter. so next year will rock so we'll just erase this from memory :)

sooooo today i had my histoire and geographie exams. i didn't study *at all*. i had my math exam yesterday then i went shopping with elvira until like 3:30pm then i came home and decided that i wanted to go dancing because i needed a siona fix and i left my house at 6:45pm. i studied between those two times and on the subway there and back. then i came home at like 10:30pm and was *so* tired and studied until like 12 or something. so not a lot of studying and i had to learn about everything from Greece thru Rome to the Middle Ages. bt the exam was easy so i'm fairly happy. then geographie i studied for between the two exams and that was easy as well. i got 60% on my math exam. i didn't fail which is good... that brings my mark down to 73%... have i ever gotten a 73% for a term mark... NEVER! this is quite shocking for me... but c'est la vie. i mean no one cares about grade 11 marks.. the really make no difference...unless you are only doing 4 years in highschool then your grade 11 marks do count!

so now i'm a free woman! no school! but i have to work tomorrow...i'm working full time which i think means from 10:30 until 4:00 monday thru friday. its will be interesting... i really want to make sales! 10 a week and i get 12/hour... i'm really curious to see how this works out. but thank god its not a real job...its just telemarketing! so we shall see.

hmmm what else... i met friends at dance class! first there is Beth but she is old...maybe like 27 or something and this other girl Mandy who goes to York. so now i have people to talk to which is always nice! spoke to george randolph *finally*. as soon as i mentioned trish his face lit up...very cute. in the middle of our convo, Abbas (crazy ass el presidente of randolph) comes up to us and is like "i like this girl. very very nice. tony tony tony!" george just gave him the biggest wtf look..amusing. sooooo siona is stilll doing the hardcore dance that is *all about sex* i love it! will someone please come dance with me!?!?!

oh yeah HAPPY PRIDE WEEK everyone! that means the parade is on sunday...i'm so randomlly excited for it this year. i go every year with my mom. on sunday my mom is picking me up after siona's class and its off to the parade. its always quite the experience. fun stuff. i think i want to buy a t-shirt or something. i'm in such a gay mood. oy not like that! maybe its all the pride flags waving around my school or something. wait for all those people who don't know me i'm *not* gay...not that there is anything wrong with that... i'm just not! oh yeah for some cool articles about gay issues in the city pick up this weeks NOW magazine. i was reading it on the subway and it was interesting to read about waht happens around my school. i didnt know that its a really big problem with people having sex in the parks around there! i had no clue. and apparently a lot of the restaurants arent really restaurants but really sex houses! how kinky is that!?!?!

dani sam is leaving for camp. this isn't too good. i will miss her sooooooo much! i think i will have to kidnap her from camp so she can back here and be my friend! its going to be an interesting summer. and LAUREN I HAVEN"T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER!!!!! i'm sorry if there are others out there that i haven't seen forever..but i really want to see lauren...but this weekend i guess right??

i guess i should sign off now! TTFN!

cioa bellas!

tonya :)


June 22, 1999

kiddos another day another dollar...well not really beacuse i didn't work today...but that is beside the point! i went to the second part of my interview today and i got the job (oh joy). so now i get to call people and ask them to buy the Globe and Mail! it will be nice to have a job... money for boston/nyc, lilith, clothes, cds, cds.... oh yeah and saving too :) problem is that i'm going away... i guess i will have a *family emergency* sometime :)

sooooo i came home and studied my ass off for math. can i just state how much i HATE doing math homework! it drives me nertz! my brain is hurting from all those equations and numbers... its sick! then i went to dance class :)

soooo at dance... max wasn't there (bad boy!) but ryan was so yipee! lea was on crack as usual. decided to take us across the floor with 2 or 3 different exercises. she is now starting to scare me. its funny i'm *so* convinced that she thinks i'm generally not happy either that or she thinks i'm out in space. she always comes up to me and just looks at me... its very odd. and i think she may think i'm bored in her class... which i'm not cause i love it. oh yes side note for max: lea too funny! the scene... michael jackson blaring from the other studio... lea: can someone get the door i'm not in the mood to have michael jackson blaring at us today!... can we say catty :) oh yes and max your lover was there. i don't know why its not like she had a class to teach... maybe she thought you would be there so she could molest you and take pictures for her shrine :) ... thank god max doesn't have internet at the moment because as soon as he reads that i will get my ass kicked... but then i will kick his back and katrina or whatever her name is will come and whisk him away and KISS his ass ;) and OH NO! i think i have regressed. if oyu read my journal about sunday dance class i thought that siona knew my name. WELL today as i was leaving i said bye to her and she said bye BABY! augh! so i'm back to being baby.... max we have to have a master plan to see if she knows my name okay :) call me if you get this message.

so that is that. hmmmm anything else to report... not really. i thought i did but my life is dry so i guess not!

ciao for now!

tonya :)


June 21, 1999

hmmmm what to say oh what to say? i go poo everyday! was that the thing to say... i guess so! i'm in the process of trying to play a game with COw but my comp is being a bitch! i hate that! so i sit and wait and wait and sit.

oh oh oh! i got a job. the people i had... OMG ITS WORKING! FINALLY sooo the people who i had the interview with on Friday (telemarketing.. business to business) called and left a message asking if i was still interested. it pays at *least* 300/week... and they want you to make more or else you get fired. but its a matter or whether or not they will let me go to Boston... if they say no then screw them! and i went for another interview today...but the computers that we were supposed to practice on were broken so i have to go in tomorrow! it seems like fun tho.. you sell Globe and Mail we will see what happens with that!

i love yahoo games! this is so thriling. i'm dueling it out with cow on checkers. this is way too much fun. the thrill of competition!

so i today i went to Elvira's to study math... from about 12:30 until 4. i came home at and fooled around. then i started to work at 6. then at like 8 dani banani called and so did laura.. so were on 3 way for like forever! then i get off and kristen from school calls so we are on the phone for a half hour.,.. THEN cow AND max (and tricia hehe) call so we are spazzing on the phone for ANOTHER forever! and up all that phone time and that equals little studying! but its all good. talking on the phone is good. max is dancing tomorrow WOOHOO company! did i mention that i *think* i have yet *another* stalker! its SIONA! (not see-oh-na but sho-na) . when i was leaving i stuck my head in the door while she was talking to people and just waved. and i *swear* she said "by tonya have a good day!" (but not like that cause siona is bouncer then that and said it 10 times cooler than the way i typed it!) so she must have loooked in the computer OR been talking to Lea. because i know her and lea were having this debate over this other guy's name. but its poosible... remember how last week i had a great convo with her at the front desk? welll she probably looked on the screen to see my name when i gave the chickie my number! maybe she had planned this for weeks... to be at the desk on a day when i would be coming in... maybe its a grand master scheme that had to be orchestrated... maybe i'm sick in the head :)

sooooo that is that. guess what... on saturday after babysitting guess who i went out with... RACHAEL! my best friend who i haven't spoken to since april and who i havent seen since december BUT who lives only 5 or so blocks away from me! yeah so she called and was like i haven't seen you in forever. so we walked from her house.. st. clair and oakwood ALL THE WAY to bloor and st. george! we walked and caught up with what is happening in each others lives.. turns out she is now student council president of her school.. that is pretty big. and her ex-boyfriend looks like ricky martin. we also had chillers.. mine was vanilla flavour...i'm in LOVE with those and i'm also in love wtih the butter pecan tarts at second cup that have chocolate in them... they are SOOOOOO yummy but also cost 2.50 but are SOOOO yummy! then we ended up at the club monaco outlet sale... and then we walked all the away back to bloor and bathurst. it was quite the day. but it was cool to chill with her. thought i should mention it. its funny we have SOOOO much in common. its just little tiny things but its just so weird. i'll say something and she'll be like i was doing the exact same thing! and its always something obscure. or i can predict waht bands she'll like and she'll do the same with me. we have an odd friendship. we've been friends since i guess sr. kindergarten.

i'm tired or writing. and can isay that anaprox is a godsend...omg i think i've found love! it rocks my world. and that is all!

talk to you later alligators!

tonya :)


June 20, 1999

well well well... what can i say? wanna know who i'm randomly in the mood for seeing... Krysten! yes Krysten Cummings...or is it Cumming? the truth escapes me at the moment. everyone in NYC is obsessed with that girl! i've only seen her once and i have vague recollections of her. so it will be interesting to witness the *miracle* that is her. so that is the or a rentism for the day.

hotel in boston is booked believe it or not. can ijust say boston hotels are WAY too expensive! its crack! i swear there isn't anything that is like $90 or anything... everything is A LOT more. but we know have a room booked which sort of solidifies that i'm going. so this is me being happy :)and now Amy from New York is thinking of coming to Boston as well. oy vey Emery AND Amy... that would be Crack with a capital 'C'! but lots of fun. i dont talk to Amy *that* much but when i do she keeps me amused. now if we could only convince laura to come...

i was supposed to go dancing this morning but i'm feeling mildly crampy so i don't know if i should. i only have 2 classes left on my card so now i'm thinking i should just save them for when i feel awesome. i haven't used the word awesome in forever. i think it looks really ugly... awesome <>

i was online with hannah the other night and i was going to order cds from Columbia house. then hannah decided that she wanted to join BMG. so then i went to the site and I decided to join BMG eventho i'm still with Columbia house. soooo now i'm getting all these cds that have songs on them that amuse me and make me happy and remind me of 92.5 but that i wouldn't walk into a store and buy... Britney Spears, Cher, BSB (for alll you hipsters thats Backstreet Boys), Whitney Houston (for the note max!), Shania Twain (the newest one), Kiss of the Spiderwoman, and i *think* Tatyana Ali (eventho i don't know what she sings!). i think that is 7...yup it is!

i'm wanting to build a new webpage. one about me. but i'm not creative enough with layout and stuff to make it interestinbg. but we shall see if i get bored!

ciao for now!

tonya -- the crampy one


June 18, 1999

okay i promise... once exams are over updating will be more frequent! just bear with me.. unlike my dani-sam who has dissed my journal forever :(

right now i'm at Columbia House trying to find 3 cds to buy. the sale is buy 1 get 2 free. so as of now 'm getting whitney houston and shania twain. but i don't know what to get as my 3rd choice. there are cds i want in the record store but not from columbia house. i always end up choosing ghetto music from them because of lack of choice.. its sad. i'm randomly adding things to my shopping cart... backstreet (oy!) and Jay-Z for no particualr reason... i'll inform y'all of what i get!

well today was the bio exam... it was interesting. had i been really prepared i would have rocked it. it went okay. i recognized everything on it.. it was just little details that y to me. to have at least an 80% average i needed to get 75% on the exam. i *really* hope i get that! BUT i have a theory about final marks.... its grade 11.. no one looks at grade 11 marks. AND its not like the final mark is cumulative or anything. in december your makr carries over for all year so it always has an impact on your mark.. but final mark has an impact on nothing! so that is my consolation if i do badly.. which is possible because i CAN'T study! its sooooo boring and i keep on getting distracted by 92.5!

i've had 5 exams so far.. english, economics, politics, french and biology. only 3 more to go! thank god theyare driving me crazy!

soooo what else. i have babysat everyday since monday. how crazy is that. i have put those kids to bed every night this week. i think that is just wrong. i mean they are at school all day and then *I* have to take care of them and put them to bed. its like they dont even see their parents! oh well at least i'm making boston money!

sorry this has been dull.. i'll try to spice it up soon!

and if i were to bite off lauren's styles i would say taht Jennifer Lopez is the current non-sexual crush.. she ROCKS! i've always loved her...even from her fly girl days... she was the flyest fly girl! AND she was in a movie with my husband ..y aknow george!



tonya ;)


June 14, 1999

i have no clue whether or not i've updated this freaking journal today! augh... the alzheimers is kicking in early. i can't even check if its updated because i can't get on the net at the moment because my sister is on zee telephone. wouldn't it be interesting if i wrote my entire journal with an accent. one day i'll do that... not today tho, i'm not too brilliant.

well lets see... today i studied! yes yes i did indeed. i went to Elvira's house at 11am and we studied Econo-mix(hehe) until 4pm... minus a one hour lunch break. is that not crack up your ass or what? OMG that is my new favourite saying that i just decided on "crack up or your ass". i liked that. i think i will use that often.

after studying (uch) i came home where i had yet ANOTHER 911 emergency call from miss dani-sam ( i swear you give my mom heart attacks :) ). so i talked to her.. then i picked up my mail and was off to the wonderful worl of babysitting. its funny.. the kid who just turned two can now say my name. she was talking to my mom on the phone and all i heard was "ton-a" it washilarious. so now i make her say it ALL THE TIME. poor child. i'm babysitting every day this week. modnday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday AND saturday. so as i said... every day this week. which is good.. its money for boston! well boston/new york actually its more like new york/boston + emery crack :) so that is that!

tomorrow i think i will go into school at lunch time to drop off text books and too get my english and politics ISUs... i need to see those stupid marks. hopefully i did well on english. elvira did "eh" because she fucked on the essay structure and i know that my structure is el-coolio so hopefully everything works out.

i'm in such a tv mood. it was a funny ally rerun. i would love to be a fly on the wall of the taping of that show. all those people.. even on interviews have crack up their asses~ they are off the wall. calista calista. i will get a fake id one day. i need a name. i think it woul dbe fun to be someone else. i was thinking something Martin in hommage to my bébé. i would do Clooney but that isn't too common. hmmmm so something Martin. i *could* be Tonya Martin... but that doesn't have a good ring to it. any suggestions.. how about Rayne? or Madison? Halley? if you have any suggestions contact me okay... or IM at Tonya913 OR ICQ me at well i'm not sure what 23371615. got that people :)

ohhhhh anything else? i don't think so. i think i will write some e-mail i'm in da mood. the benny tour is in Boston now... they must be tellement exciter. i know miss trish is at least! 6 weeks en Boston. i should e-mail sarah from boston and see if she will be around that weekend... haven't seen her since.. april 11th, 1998! haven't spoken to her in forever...we'll see :)

ciao for now :)

tonya :)


june 13, 1999

wow updates 2 days in a row.. go me! go me!

well today i woke up.. chilled and went dancing! siona was in quite the happy mood it was psycho. when i came in she was like "HI SWEETIE" that chic is too cute. then we started talking about my school and exams for like 10 minutes. now siona has it in her head that i am in HIGH SCHOOL and NOT university.. finally! oy oy oy. from our talk i discovered that siona went to a catholic highschool that was semestered. hey max we should have files on what we know about everyone (j/k). also siona randomly started talking about the new Austin Powers movie and said that was enjoyable. phi was in my class today. i love that girl :) hmmm what else... i sweat about 20 buckets today in class PLUS siona kept us for almost 2 hours... i'm surprised Abbas didn't kick her ass!

in other news...e xams are waaaaaaayyyyy too close! ahhh i'm trying to write... but i'm on ICQ with laura and dani and i'm loosing my mind because i'm pissing my pants. its trickling down my leg.

i'm out of control.. i must go!


me :)


june 12, 1999

wow! i fully did not realize that i haven'tupdated in forever and a half! pardon my laziness. now i don't even know where to start!

well let me see where i left you all last time... ohhhhh Danny aka TallGuy reads my journal religiously! go TallGuy! once again.. it thrills me that people read. so if you read drop me a line to say that you do and i'll be a very happy tiger! okay so that is that :)

school's almost out for the summer! i have 8 exmas which is muy lucky. we are not semested AND we don't have exemptions! how much does that suck. i haven't started studying yet.. yes i know i'm a badass :) i'm not even going back to school. there is SO no point! i mean we just sit in class and do nothing. so i'm' not going back. i'm more productive at home studying... well after i watch Regis & Kathie Lee followed by Rosie. but after that i'm productive! but do you catch my drift :) in 3 days i have 5 exams. yuki yuki yuki!

well remember i was on a holy job quest... well i think i've found my niche... telemarketing! i know i know BAD job... but since NO ONE wants to be a telemarketer they pay well. its 10$ an hour and you get bonuses... some people make $100 everyday. and you get paid daily... it may be illegal but i will go one day and if they don't pay me i will not go back. and i think you can go whenever you want but i'm not sure. anyone want to join me after my exams are finished? feel fre. and if ANYONE has a REAL job for me PLEASE hook me up! i just need money for Boston and stuff and it will be all good :)

Jen had her concert last night. sas was there :) i wasn't :( this morning when i was still groggy i was pissy.. but i SO knew she would be there. i had one of my visions. i know that sounds odd. but when it comes to RENT i have these odd dreams and i can predict whats going to happen. its odd and i KNOW i sound psycho. i will explain in more detail if people are interested. so apparently sas lookos good (surprise surprise). jen sounded kick ass from what i hear. i NEED to see her perform again. that chic has some good music. and i hear her head is muy soft. oh yeah i wasn't ALLOWED to go! and as i'm saying to press right now "like i'm so over.. i was pissed for 20 minutes this morning then i was like fuck it and moved on :)" so no worries.. eventho the sassy one was there i'm totally like whatever!

hmmmmm boston. well now boston is boston and NYC. that should be fun don't you think. its one week now. and MY EMERY who is MINE MINE MINE (not laura's or dani's or cow's!) is meeting me in boston and we will chill like pills! and that is that. i'm excited for Boston. thats a goood thing :)

okay time to go :) i will be a good girla nd update more!


tonya :)


june 9, 1999

i totally thought today was the 8th! its really freaky to realise that its a completely different date! guess who i got e-mail from.. JENNPEASE! she reads my journal... who knew! so helllllooooo Jennpease :)

i'm home this morning from school because i am "tired". in reality i just need to finish some homework. i was out all and very busy last night. first i had lea's class and then i had my OAC drama night.

lea's class was fun as usual. she rememebered my name and used it 4 times. but the receptionist thought my name was Nadine. how odd is that? then my mom came to Randolph to pick me up and the receptionist brought her into the studio... i then preceeded to kick her out :)

drama night was fun. not THAT fun but interesting. our seen was OK... not great but OK. my skirt broke just before i was supposed to go on so i had to struggle with a safety pin to keep it up! not fun :(

then i was off to home to sleep. now i'm awake and doing biology homework, geographie homework, e-mailing Jen Aubry.. who has a concert for 19+ on frdiday and e-mailing my sis! i'm too busy!

ta ta for now :)



june 7, 1999

well well no update from me in 4 days are y'all sad? so much has happened yet its still so little. first of all props to lorilee for being an avid reader of my journal. that makes me so randomly happy. i love when people tell me they read. and also a hearty mention to phat nat because i didn't mention that i called her from Grand Rapids! so hey hey hey nat!

HAPPY HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DANI-SAM!!!!!!! it was dani's b-day last friday! also i believe lorilee's b-day also passed so hey ho to you too!

okoay so where to start... well in Grand Rapids cow and i orchestrated getting thom to sing happy birthdya on a tape for miss dani-sam. then on friday morning i called her at 7:oo to play it for her. she shit in her pants i think. everyone who knew did a good job of keeping the secret. oh yes my laura badaura (whom i don't like) was also in on it :)

later that evening i hung out with... PEOPLE FROM SCHOOL!!!! how fucked is that. i'm So starting to like people from school now. i went to kristen's house with her and johanna. we sat around and had WAY to much fun playing this geography game. it was nice. we were complete spazzes! then i went babysitting. i babysat saturday morning as well.

sunday was quite the busy day let me tell you! i woke up at 6am for some fucked reason. started making bootlegs for dani and then at 10:30am i went to dance! siona was on fucked crack. she was being way to funny. i think its the heat. she's weirder when its hot. she kept on telling us random stories. she was late for class by 5 minutes because she fell asleep in her bathtub for an hour. and guess what.. MY siona is starting a dance company called Jackson Jazz Network. how cool is that?!?! now the problem is whether or not she is leaving Randolph. how will i cope!?! first RENT canada closes and now siona might leave. this is just wrong!

so after a funfilled hour and a half of dancing to ricky martin it was off to have sushi with dani and laura. BUT we didn't know that EVERY sushi place around queen qould be closed. so it was off to Thornhill to have sushi. CLOSED! so it was off to Jack Astor's to have food that wasn't sushi. since it was dani's b-day she got a big hat of tinfoil and a free cupcake! it was quite teh amusement.

then it was off to cow's house (after making a coughdetourcough) for the Tony party. people swam. we ate. nat asked me if tricia is my favourite.. i thought she said is tricia my penis. and now EVERYONE thinks i have a penis named tricia. its very disturbing. laura has a penis named tricia tho.. so it all works out. the tony's sucked my ass crack. they weren't too thrilling. my chita was on... not performing tho :( i FINALLYL saw this freaking Kristen Chenoweth chic and OMG she ROCKS!!!!! swoosie was on, calista was on... got to see Civil War and it amused me. Fosse was on. saw Gwen Verdon! now that thrilled me! hmmmm and tis it i think :)

now that brings us to today! nothing interesting really. school is almost over. the world is a freaking furnace. my mom is making me a hamburger now cause i'm hungry! tomorrow is my drama night. tomorrow i get to take cracklady lea's class. talking to laura right now about how different our rent experience is compared to other non-canadian people. its interesting let me tell you!

now i must go go go!

ciao for now

tonya :)


june 3, 1999

i'm archived! how proud of you are me? very much so i imagine :)

fuck the tories. do you all hear me? fuck the tories!!!! i CANNOT even BEGIN to comprehend how Mike harris got re-elected. i'm not a happy camper at the moment... but i'll deal. i have no choice :)

hmmmmm OH! my scene study in gr. 12 drama was selected to be a part of OAC drama night this upcoming week. so that is majorly cool. its from George Walker's Problem Child and i play a social worker.its really a really good piece, i'm very happy with the way it turned out.

i have spent SO much time on the phone today! first i talked to miss emery, then to lisa cow and then to max. i harassed max about his kinky dance affairs with katarina aka spike :) now i'm talking to lisa on IM in french this is amusing me way to much.

today was my spaz day. all afternoon i was PSYCHOTIC. i think my pizza was laced with crack. that must have been it. i was off the wall. my biology teacher was so ready to kill me i think. i was just basically running around in circles and being extremely loud. i wasn't even doing it on purpose. then sadie told me that she thinks i would be a fun drunk.. but that ain't happening cause you know how i feel about booze ;)

on that happy note its time to go :)


tonya :)


June 2, 1999

so you all finally get a journal entry! are you happy? you better be or i will personally kick yo ass :) so where to start oh where to start? TRISH ROCKS! that is where we end :)

soooo lisa, her mom aka Speed Demon and I left toronto at 1pm on friday and were in Grand Rapids by 5:45. is that not crack. its supposedly a 6 hour drive.. but not for the Speed Demon! then we check into our Days Inn hotel, but on some sex-ay clothes and its off to Downtown on a holy quest for RENT tickets! so we end up getting tickets for $25 in the LAST ROW of the ENTIRE theatre. then we went to this shit hole restaurant where we had chicken fingers as big as my head.. it was scary. then off to the theatre...

so we get to our seats and realize just HOW hellish they are. after about 10 minutes off talking lisa's mom decides that we should move down to the loge because NONE of the seats were taken. so we move down. the show starts and maggie does her voice mail and we scream (of course). it could have been my imagination but i *thought* she kind of looked up and over at us and started laughing... maybe i'm psycho. then RENT starts and the people whos seats they are make us move. so we move a few seats back and THOSE people tell us to move. so eventually we end up in first row of the mezzanine which was pretty damn good.

now i guess i'll do a review of the show by performer:

Christian Mena (Roger) -- i have issues with him. sometimes his voice sounds SO beautiful and i just want to listen to him all the time.. but at other parts like during RENT his voice is SO grating and i wanted to shove him in a sewer. his Glory was powerful.. really emotionally charged. overall i thought he was okay.

Julia Santana (mimi) -- hoarse horse :) emery has corrupted my julia images :) overall i thought her mimi was SO cute... not really cute like Dom tho. i don't know how to pinpoint her mimi tho... she wasn't really hard edged, or really soft.. she kind of just WAS. her voice was decent.. except the squeaks that pissed me off. GLITTER! its all about Julia and glitter. i was shocked because i hadn't seen glitter in while... let me just say that her glitter made the Out Tonight.

Matt Caplan (mark u/s) -- wowee zowee! i'm really proud of this guy. i saw his FIRST mark and you couldn't even tell. i didn't think he was incredible or anything.. but for going on a first time he was great. his LVB was very very good. his second act was emotional. i would have liked him just a bit hornier a la Chad.. but whatever. Pierre Angelo Bayuga (angel) -- loved his angel. for some reason i still like Jai better.. and i also really liked Carlos in NYC.. but i think this guy is my second fave. i can't pinpoint what it is.. maybe its because the last angel i saw was Jose and i thougt he was god awful.

Horace Rogers (collins u/s) -- i hope he gets the job now that dwayne is fired. he was a very solid collins. he said his lines as though he knew what he meant. his ICY was good... but i didn't get shivers like when i listen to danny (hey dani was that your line?)

Danielle Lee Greaves (joanne) -- divabitch! divabitch! can you spell A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E??? loved her. i really liked her We're Okay... she took a lot of really good pauses and articulation. her TMOLM was really good.. that girl can belt!

Cristina Fadale (maureen) -- i was SO disappointed by her! i had heard soooooo mcuh good stuff about her and i dont think she was all that! her OTM had its moments (lap dog :) ) but i don't think that she was using her voice to the fullest. i also thought that her voice sounded like a 12 year old on star search... you know how 12 year olds belt their heart out on that show. well that is how i think of her. and i really really don't like her hair!

Carl Thorton (benny) -- ghetto benny! he was so funny! he really DID sound like mike tyson. he did a few vocal things that i enjoyed... not many but a few. defintely not as hot as a certain mr. perkins in contact tho :(

Brent Davin Vance (paul) -- am i OBSESSED with BRENT?? i think so! he was THE funniest waiter i have EVER seen. i need to take him home and do his waiter all day. and he is such a sweetie it seems too! him and thom during LVB is just dangerous!

Wichasta Reese (soloist 1) -- good soloist. not my favourite... but very very good. i'm having problems picturing her baglady :(

Kevyn B. (soloist 2 u/s) -- he was okay. not bad or anything. he just wasn't too memorable! i wish his voice was lower... like david's.. but what can you do!

Owen Johnston II (gordon u/s) -- la la la gordon is SO not a character i ever notice. nothing personal to the person playing him... its just that i find that role so dryy... plus his big moment is right before OT and its hard to pay attntion!

Thom Allison (steve) -- cocoa shaker lives on! too bad he has no bears anymore! his performance has been toned down SO much from canada! anyone remember MAD glitter in Ottawa?? his solo is nice.. rreally pretty. its fun to get to hear him sing for once!

Maggie Benjamin (marks mom) -- love this girl :) that is all :)

TRICIA YOUNG (alexi) -- she's always very berry consistent alexi. great dancer and all that jazz.. i'm partial so i wont go on about her :)

okay so now we are on to after the show i believe...or lets just say saturday.

after the friday night show Michael "the pillsbury dough boy" Grief had to give the entire cast notes that would take an no cast members for me and cow! so it was off to the hotel room to get a good night's sleep. but we had to wake up at 5:15am to go down to the line. la la la. we wake up go to the theatre no tickets, so its back into the mini van to go get some more sleep at the hotel. we all end up waking up and getting dressed and its off to McD's to have lunch and then off to the theatre to see if we can catch maggie and trish before the show to see if maggie would be on as maureen. so we waaaaaaiiiiiittttt and neither one of them comes. so finally we see Brent and he says hi and we ask HIM if he knew... of course he didn't but it was still a chance to talk to brent. we somehow found out that she wouldn't be on so we went to this outlet mall in the middle of hicksvilled USA. shopped for about 2 or 3 hours... lisa's mom bought the entire GAP store and got a high from it.. way too cute!

so after all that we end up BACK at the theatre for the second time that day! the matinee lets out and the first person we see is dom. in my head i'm thinking dom will have no clue who we are and then we'll have to explain that we used to see her with the canadian tour and all that... it wasn't like that. dom is so skinny!!!!!! i was afraid to hug her :) (cow is just afraid hehe). then i'm talking to dom and i look over and i see maggie so i whisper maaaagggggiiiiieeee. she looks up, gasps, and then goes back to signing autographs. then at some point she finishes and comes over and starts talking but then i see trish and we mutually jumped eachother and cow talked to maggie and i talked to trish. i could go thru what we talked about but that would be weird... "dinner? dinner. i'll see you before the show... or not... i guess after.. will you be out after??" OY! that is all i'm saying about that.

so we go to the hotel.. change and get FUNK-AY. i but on my "good luck" sarong. actually i just gave it that name. i woreit the first time on thursday night in van... also known as "i've lost my mind and i'm talkng about bodily functions with cast member" night... and also the same sarong that i ran into sas with. soooooo we go to the theatre before the show to see trish cause she mentioned it to me... but i had teh BRILLIANT idea of calling dani and laura! can we just stop and ask who didn't get to see trish as she was coming in because she was being yelled at by dani and laura??? ME!!!!!! but i'm not bitter :)

so we see the show.. whatever. it was better than the night before. michael gried was 8 rows behind me. second act i sat 3 row instead of 15th row. dom was watching from the sound booth. after the show rocked. i was told by maggie that i looked fresh out of canada, i guess because i was clean (not that americans are dirty...)... then trish comes out... we talk. then she realizes that she might miss her bus and she's like will you walk me out so we can talk! HOW SWEET WAS THAT!?!?! so we started talking about Randolph, and now she has sent me on a holy quest to talk to George Randolph and find out what he has to say about her. during our convo trish asked about my mom no less than 4 times. at one point she was like i know your mom is edna.. but who is lisa's mom. so i told her. next thing we knew she is running over to lisa's mom (jennifer aka speed demon) and giving her a hug! oy lisa will be experiencing my complexes. it was cool talking to trish. i mean i had spoken with her before but it was always just normal chit chat stuff. but in GR it was just very berry cool and relaxed and just talking about life and stuff, and RENT and all that jazz. it was mucho enjoyable. and did i mention how absolutely sweet she was? so that was trish. maggie was talking to us for a long time and that pissed the bus driver off so he closed the doors on her to get her to hurry up so she had to go banging on the doors...too funny!

so that was grand rapids :)

i have zee rent bug again. see before GR i was like it will be a closing chapter thing... but nope! it got me so hyped again. oy oy oy. i don't mind. if it makes you happy it can't be that bad. ohhhh i'm quoting sheryl crow.. go me :) i'm being incoherent now.. i'll stop. if anyone needs more details IM me Tonya913 or track me down on ICQ. ciao for now peeps :)

tonya -- the horseless wonder


June 1, 1999

so this isn't a real update. i have WAY to much school to update at the moment. expect a looooonnnnnnggggg summary of Grand Rapids very soon :) btw TRISH ROCKS :) sorry had to get that out!

bear with me!

tonya :)